I am in a very reflective mood today. I am sorting out my feelings about so many things. I feel like I am torn between two worlds. I love both. I think this is why I sing the song "Which Bridge to Cross and Which Bridge to Burn" - I do have two loves in my life now. I love my family, friends and students here. I love people in Belize and the work that I am being allowed to do there. I have the added bonus of having someone there who loves me as the most important person in his life. I know God is leading me there. I am as patient as I can be in waiting for the right time but at the same time it is very hard to think about living away form my children and everyone here. I have always wondered how people in the Bible could just pick up and go where they were led. Then I understand the pull (or push) that God gives...many times I have had to face major change and I was afraid but I have found that if I pay attention to God's will for me - it always works out. I know this, but knowing doesn't make it that much easier. Paying attention to what is of God and not following what people or the devil would have in your life is our struggle. Of course it is. I just want to follow God's will.
I think what I was trying to say in my last post was that I am needed more in Belize than I am here. I need my friends here. I need my children and my family. I need my job here and the students. It is not about what I need though...never is. I am content with this - I want to be where (and with whom) I am needed the most. I am happy in a deep contented, joyous way that is fueled through the love of others and when I am able to love others. Corn? Sappy? well, so be it.
I saw a rainbow from the plane leaving San Pedro - over the ocean - just for a few moments but it was bright and beautiful. Everytime I am in my deepest sorrow and pain and not knowing what to do....God sends me my rainbow. Most of the time it is not even raining....rainbows in a clear blue sky. Truly, God is awesome.