I was trying to think about what to write. I have had a lot of activities in my life - including cleaning out closets and basically the house, giving it all away in a yard sale, helping a friend with dental surgery after care, moving Anna and Christian in for the semester ( getting my house baby proff for an 18 month old after no babies for 19 years!), Ben coming home for the weekend, a baby shower, an all-day faculty retreat, talking with Amanda, David, Ben, Jeremy, Ernesto, Mom & Dad, sisters and brothers and special friends....and keeping up with my younger friends and students in all their travels, fun, relationships and issues, singing kareoke....but what lingers in my mind to write about?
I got a phone call from one of my Belizean kid's moms...one of the 8 year old boys...she called just so that he could talk to me. He told me that he loved me so much and missed me. I was so happy and excited to talk to him. I asked him if I could send him anything...I should have known - shoes! He loves converse tennis shoes. I asked him if he wanted anythign else - nope. I do not know why he and I connected but we just did and I miss him.
My friend Sherry is having problems with her plateletts not being high enoguh to take her chemo. I hope all of my friends reading this will send up a prayer for her. it is so hard right now - we know she needs the chemo but she feels so much better without it. Without it though and the cancer will grow....
I have to go to the doctor on Wednesday to hear about my biopsy - one of those cervical issues. I am not worried, I just know it will require something to be done. I also have all those wonderful tests/exams due. argh. It is hard to get old but it is a good thing!
I guess I am constantly reminded of how precious life is and I am always thinking about how to make the most of my life. I am always questioning where I am suppose to be and what I am suppose to be doing...I am in that place where I know something is about to happen that will change things - not sure what though. Maybe I just live in this mode since my life always changes and I even though I have tried to achieve contentment - about the time I become content - something happens to lead me down another road....tring to figure out my way. I guess the road less traveled and challenge is where I am most content.
Classes begin tomorrow so better get ready....love y'all!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Blogging from Belize seemed like such a natural thing to do. Blogging from Oxford, Mississippi does not seem as natural to me. I have been home for two months and it seems like forever. My mind does wander back to San Pedro though - maybe more often than it should. I just miss being there. It is not that my life here is not good - I have a good life. I have a great family. My kids are awesome. I am relatively problem free - nothing I can't handle anyway. I have a great job. So what is it? i thought before that it was because I was on vacation or did not have the responsibilities that I have at home when I am in San Pedro - but no - I lived there for five months and worked a regular work week. I worked probably harder and in a more stressful situation than my work at home. I had problems beyond my capability of solving. There is a difference in me - when I look in the mirror - I do not see the same person as I remember seeing in Belize. I do not feel the same. I can look at pictures of myself in Belize and know there is a difference. I just can't seem to get myself to the same place in my mind. I have tried and continue to try. I think that is why I am not blogging - it makes me frustrated and somewhat sad to think about how much I want to be in Belize but then I get angry at myself for not being content here because I have been very blessed and have what I need...I think - so what is missing?