It is a strange mother's day when I have none of my children in my presence. This is my fault this year as I am in Belize and my children are not. I guess this is something I will get used to as my youngest is 19 years old and all my children have their own lives, but all those memories of their childhood come back on this day especially. It seems like a flash - a video on fast forward and when it ends it just leaves this weird feeling - like I miss the times mixed with what did I do wrong and what did I do right? It is what it is and I find myself redefining my roles as a mother and even who I am. so long I have been - amanda's mom, david's mom and ben's mom...so I guess that means that was my main role - I guess it is just another change and transition time...
So I am facing another transition...going home to Oxford, Mississippi. I will be on a plane two weeks from today. Greg and Wednesday left today and I could not even leave the condo. I had in my mind when they went home I was to be readying myself for my return to the states. I had a great time with them while they were here and it seems so empty here with them gone.
My students at Ole Miss are making it easier for me to come home. I have been getting emails about being missed. Some are graduating and I missed this important day - which I am sorry about. One of m students wrote to me about the important things that I taught her. Another told me how important I am in her life. Another student wrote that she and another student walked past my office door and both looked at each other and teared up. This is all overwhelming to me and gets the lump to grow in my throat. I love teaching at Ole Miss and I do miss it. It is weird that the things they tell me have really little do do with the curriculum. I was sent a message from another friend that said the following:
We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath...
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED
I received this via email after leaving school Friday. I have had a lot of moments that have taken my breath during this sabbatical. I am a lucky person to have had this experience. I hope I have scattered good and kindness. I am so grateful to the children and families who have taught me so much. I have been allowed into the Belizean culture. It has been hard at times and I struggled often. I have, however, been reminded of what I love about social work. The people, of course, and when people allow you into their lives and if you connect and can help it is the best work - it does not even feel like work. I am sure this experience will allow me to be a better professor.
I am about to go to my last Kareoke night at Wet Willies. This has been my fun time each week. Man, I am going to miss this too.
Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there!
love and miss you all.