You better Belize it

For the love

2010-01-23T13:26:00.000-08:00

I am in a very reflective mood today. I am sorting out my feelings about so many things. I feel like I am torn between two worlds. I love both. I think this is why I sing the song "Which Bridge to Cross and Which Bridge to Burn" - I do have two loves in my life now. I love my family, friends and students here. I love people in Belize and the work that I am being allowed to do there. I have the added bonus of having someone there who loves me as the most important person in his life. I know God is leading me there. I am as patient as I can be in waiting for the right time but at the same time it is very hard to think about living away form my children and everyone here. I have always wondered how people in the Bible could just pick up and go where they were led. Then I understand the pull (or push) that God gives...many times I have had to face major change and I was afraid but I have found that if I pay attention to God's will for me - it always works out. I know this, but knowing doesn't make it that much easier. Paying attention to what is of God and not following what people or the devil would have in your life is our struggle. Of course it is. I just want to follow God's will.

I think what I was trying to say in my last post was that I am needed more in Belize than I am here. I need my friends here. I need my children and my family. I need my job here and the students. It is not about what I need though...never is. I am content with this - I want to be where (and with whom) I am needed the most. I am happy in a deep contented, joyous way that is fueled through the love of others and when I am able to love others. Corn? Sappy? well, so be it.

I saw a rainbow from the plane leaving San Pedro - over the ocean - just for a few moments but it was bright and beautiful. Everytime I am in my deepest sorrow and pain and not knowing what to do....God sends me my rainbow. Most of the time it is not even raining....rainbows in a clear blue sky. Truly, God is awesome.

I am home.

2010-01-19T18:13:00.000-08:00

It is so hard to leave Belize. I hope this does not make my friends and family in the U.S. feel bad. I do miss you all when I am there. I just like the life I live there better. I know that sounds like I am contradicting myself and I can't explain it very well. Here - it seems like everyone in my life has other people who are most important to them...spouses, children, friends, relatives...I always feel like I am just a person who is on the fringe of other people's lives and I am not really the most important person to anyone here. It is ok and the people who are important - need to be and I love my friends and family but I feel alone most of the time. I just don't feel like that in Belize...anyway, yes, I am home.

I also like the laid back lifestyle - this pressure here is too much. I have worked 12 hours today and what to show? I always feel like my life has a purpose - daily in Belize.

The last few days in Belize was overwhelming and fantastic. We had a meeting with 90 people from San Mateo and I truly believe we will be building roads in San Mateo - thanks to the Ole Miss students! We will be trying to raise the money for sand and gravel, etc. Anyone out there that wants to be a part of this - donations or labor - please let me know! Get your contacts the info too!

well, at least I am going back to Belize on Feb. 3 - I can hold it together until then!

Four days flew by.....

2010-01-14T11:24:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe the time is going so fast. I have been at the school four days. I fell right in to the flow of things like I was never even gone. Felt more like I had been gone for a sick day or something. The children are a little taller and some look like they grew up but other than that I am just here again. I love these children. I have gotten notes from children asking me to please not forget them. They have loved the students and the students have been really great in working with them and the community. The students are doing home visits with the children they worked with and it is going very well. The Ole Miss students are a little tired though....tomorrow we are takinga trip to the mainland. Then it is our last weekend and yes, I am sad already.

Roads in San Mateo!

2010-01-11T11:19:00.000-08:00

2Keep the faith and put away the fear of failure. The community meeting on Saturday night had 23 people!! They were different people that the original 6 that met. It was very cold, rainy and windy but people still came to a meeting that was held underneath a lean-to (outside). The community members agreed that the roads would only be built if they build them. They were all willing to work and decided to create a committee to guide the work. The Belizean people and especially the people of San Mateo are so strong and such hard workers! They were very passionate about wanting the roads and being able to accomplish the work with help in buying the sand, gravel, gas for boats and shovels. They will meet again on Saturday night at 7 p.m. One member is to contact the Area Representative so they can work together on the plan. The materials will be bought directly and the people of the community will do the work. They talked some about where the road could be built.

I went to church in San Mateo on Sunday morning. It was great experience and it was truly the right thing to do and the right place and the right time.

At school today!!!!!!!!!I have been seeing the smiling faces!!!!!!!

golf cart touring!

2010-01-08T10:10:00.000-08:00

This is a hard experience to describe. Touring on golf carts on rain soaked - pot holed - almost a lake in the middle of the road - muddy roads - ask Mary Claire! I think she got splattered! The students saw the north end and the south end and all stopping points in between. they organized a mainland tour with Marlon in which they will see the zoo, go cave tubing, and see a Maya ruin. the downside - we have to get up and be at the boat at 6 am on Sunday morning. This is after going snorkeling and to Caye Caulker on Saturday all day and running a community meeting on Saturday night at 7 p.m. They also have a meet the teacher's dinner at 6 pm on Sunday night.

The students listened to the Area Representative yesterdya morning and asked some very good questions. I sent one student out into the community to see where we would be meeting on Saturday night. The message was - the upstairs of the purple house and "even though there are no lights now - there will be by Saturday night and tell Ms. Kim to stop worrying - we got it covered." The students are doing such a great job of including the families of San Mateo is major planning and organization. I am so impressed by their understanding of working in a culture that is very different from their own and in their community organization skills. They have a newspaper representative involved in their work. The people are amazed that they have the trust of the community members to even show up at a meeting.

The roads just have to be built. No more waiting around for the government. The government does not have the money -so other means must be discovered. The situation is dangerous to so many people and especially the children. The bridges are not safe and the water below is contaminated with who knows what. That is all.

We are in the paper - front page. Going to the store to buy some! I cannot describe the excitement and passion and how contagious it is! My whole mind and body is just alive with the possibilities that the students are creating and I keep wondering what all they are capable of regarding making a difference to the people of San Mateo.

Did I mention?- I am so happy! Of course - relaxation involves football games and kareoke...got to have balance in our lives!

Yes, we are in Belize!

2010-01-06T10:17:00.000-08:00

First, I apologize for those of you anxiously awaiting news from Belize. I have not had internet access in my condo. I have tried to make time to be on the internet in other places but we have been very busy. Right away, we were invited to New Year's dinner at a family home in San Mateo. The students crossed the "London Bridges" for the first time but were rewarded with an awesome dinner and lots of family fun - inlcuding jump rope and punta dance lessons. The students were given a wealth of information from the father in the family about the living conditions in San Mateo and what has been attempted in the way of change. This has ignited a spark in the Ole Miss students. In three days of actual work in the community they have talked to many people - just introducing themselves and sitting on porches and in sparsley furnished rooms and finding out what life is like in San Mateo. They have organized a first community meeting for this afternoon and hopefully community leaders will come at 4 p.m. The newspaper came this morning to interview them about the eyeglass donation and the fundraising for eyeglases and the students told of their work in the community. The reported was very impressed and is retunring this pm for the community meeting.

Ole Miss professors - you would be very proud of the knowledge and skills that the students are displaying regarding community organization and empowering the comunity members. They are very passionate and are doing al lthe right things in a very guarded and non-trusting community. Be proud!!!

Trisha volunteered all day Monday with Dr. Danny the OB-GYN. She continues to go early every morning to help.

It was a little cold the last two days. I know you do not want to hear it compared to the cold you are having. The sun is out today! We are planning a tour on golf carts (of the island) tomorrow! More later!

The night before

2009-12-29T19:34:00.000-08:00

The anticipation is all encompassing. There is no way my mind can be on anything else but Belize. Up until this time, I was able to pay attention to everyone else and meet the needs of everyone in my life. It gets to the less than 12 hours until I get on a plane to begin the journey back to Belize and there is no way I can talk about anything but going to Belize. I am so excited. I have said those four words so many times today. I told Courtney (our love for Belize has bonded us) that I would have no words if I did not have "I am so excited." What other words are there to describe this feeling?

I recently attended a conference and one of the speakers said that we should put ourselves in the place in which we we can reach our greatest potential. I think I am the best person I can be in Belize. I am able to give. My skills and talents are needed. I am validated as a worthwhile person. I have thought about why do I feel this so strong in Belize and why can't I accomplish this at home? I have some answers - I think - I would rather talk about them than write them in a blog - so find me and we can have a conversation.

That's another thing - there seems to be time for regular conversations in Belize - not just facebook, email, text and telephone - real face-to-face meaningful, caring conversations about whatever. I need this.

One of my students has never been on a plane or seen the ocean - anywhere. I have to be with her when she sees the ocean for the first time. I am more excited for her than I am for myself! There was a commercial on tv a moment ago that talked about - you are about to have a life changing experience - how cool is it that I can enable the students on this trip to have life changing experiences?! Well, that is my goal....we will see if it is accomplished - I really just set the wheels in motion - the people of San Pedro will do the rest!

I'm Back!

2009-12-28T10:22:00.000-08:00

Thought I would start blogging again even though I am not back in Belize yet. I am so excited though because I will be there in two days! This is the hardest time (the waiting) but a time of great anticipation. Every time I go to Belize it is a totally different experience. This time I am taking 7 students with me. They are awesome people and great students so the possibilities of what they will accomplish is endless. Five students are social work majors, one political science and one public policy. They are taking a class in Education, Health and Child Welfare in Belize. This is a service learning class. I also will have four others helping - three social workers and a business person. We are still working in San Mateo and at Holy Cross to help families and try to improve the situations for the children in this community.

My mind is just filled with "what is it going to be like this time?" I wonder what fun memories we will have when it is time to come home. I can't wait to be where there is Kareoke any night of the week! I get to renew old friendships and just feel that sea breeze and sun! After a very wet dreary few months in Mississippi that is very needed for my mental health. I love to see a person's face - who has never been to San Pedro - and when you travel down Front street and get to the city park and they can see the ocean view for the first time - the face lights up and there is a look of awe like no other - a gasp usually accompanies - "it is so beautiful!" - I then know I have arrived and I get to share the experience with someone who is going to have the time of his/her life! I have such a sense of calm and "everything's gonna be alright."

I really feel like I have arrived when I see the landscape of Belize coming into the international airport. I love this country so much that it seems as I first see the land of Belize - I am able to breath again. It is like I wasn't sure that everything would align itself in the world for me to be there again and then I let myself believe it is really true - I am going to really be in Belize. It is like I held my breath until I saw it for real.

So I better finish packing up the bathing suits and sunscreen. Wish you were going with me! and if you are....I am so excited for you!!!!

The connection.

2009-09-05T17:32:00.000-07:00

I just had a long lunch with Courtney. I met Courtney in Belize and have continued to email and recently we talked on the phone. We managed to meet halfway and have lunch today. Why is this a blog topic? I just want to write about how Belize connected us. This is another really wonderful phenomenon that occurs among people who love Belize. Like Courtney and I, really great friends are brought together through the common love for Belize. We talked like we have been friends for years. I am so grateful to be able to talk with her and not have to explain my feelings - a common response was "I know". I feel almost like I was sharing stories while sitting at a San Pedro beach bar - just calm and cool and most of all understood. The friendships continue after we get home and are lasting relationships. This just seems pretty special to me.

Life is good. The beginning of the fall football season is today! Go REBELS!!!!! I am so pumped. I am very proud of our football players. I have several of these young men in my classes. I am very proud of them and their ability to keep up their grades whie working so hard on the field. I know that is true for other teams but hey - I love Ole Miss!

The most important part...

2009-08-23T13:18:00.002-07:00

I was trying to think about what to write. I have had a lot of activities in my life - including cleaning out closets and basically the house, giving it all away in a yard sale, helping a friend with dental surgery after care, moving Anna and Christian in for the semester ( getting my house baby proff for an 18 month old after no babies for 19 years!), Ben coming home for the weekend, a baby shower, an all-day faculty retreat, talking with Amanda, David, Ben, Jeremy, Ernesto, Mom & Dad, sisters and brothers and special friends....and keeping up with my younger friends and students in all their travels, fun, relationships and issues, singing kareoke....but what lingers in my mind to write about?

I got a phone call from one of my Belizean kid's moms...one of the 8 year old boys...she called just so that he could talk to me. He told me that he loved me so much and missed me. I was so happy and excited to talk to him. I asked him if I could send him anything...I should have known - shoes! He loves converse tennis shoes. I asked him if he wanted anythign else - nope. I do not know why he and I connected but we just did and I miss him.

My friend Sherry is having problems with her plateletts not being high enoguh to take her chemo. I hope all of my friends reading this will send up a prayer for her. it is so hard right now - we know she needs the chemo but she feels so much better without it. Without it though and the cancer will grow....

I have to go to the doctor on Wednesday to hear about my biopsy - one of those cervical issues. I am not worried, I just know it will require something to be done. I also have all those wonderful tests/exams due. argh. It is hard to get old but it is a good thing!

I guess I am constantly reminded of how precious life is and I am always thinking about how to make the most of my life. I am always questioning where I am suppose to be and what I am suppose to be doing...I am in that place where I know something is about to happen that will change things - not sure what though. Maybe I just live in this mode since my life always changes and I even though I have tried to achieve contentment - about the time I become content - something happens to lead me down another road....tring to figure out my way. I guess the road less traveled and challenge is where I am most content.

Classes begin tomorrow so better get ready....love y'all!

2009-08-23T13:18:00.001-07:00

I am going to try this at home...

2009-08-05T10:40:00.002-07:00

Blogging from Belize seemed like such a natural thing to do. Blogging from Oxford, Mississippi does not seem as natural to me. I have been home for two months and it seems like forever. My mind does wander back to San Pedro though - maybe more often than it should. I just miss being there. It is not that my life here is not good - I have a good life. I have a great family. My kids are awesome. I am relatively problem free - nothing I can't handle anyway. I have a great job. So what is it? i thought before that it was because I was on vacation or did not have the responsibilities that I have at home when I am in San Pedro - but no - I lived there for five months and worked a regular work week. I worked probably harder and in a more stressful situation than my work at home. I had problems beyond my capability of solving. There is a difference in me - when I look in the mirror - I do not see the same person as I remember seeing in Belize. I do not feel the same. I can look at pictures of myself in Belize and know there is a difference. I just can't seem to get myself to the same place in my mind. I have tried and continue to try. I think that is why I am not blogging - it makes me frustrated and somewhat sad to think about how much I want to be in Belize but then I get angry at myself for not being content here because I have been very blessed and have what I need...I think - so what is missing?

My Last Night

2009-05-23T22:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, it was hard to even write that title - I am numb right now. I have choked back so many tears in the last few days that I can't even cry now. The children all made cards for me and came up to me on Friday telling me good-bye and asking me why i had to leave. One of my little boys that I have worked with asked me - "but, Miss Kim, why do you have to leave us?" I told him that I needed to work to make money so I could come back. He said, "but this is your work" and I said I do not make money when I am here and I have to have ajob where I make money. He said, "tell them to pay you here." boom done, simple as that. One of my boys - the one I want to take home and said it would be ok with his mom...he was acting terrible all week. So disruptive that they asked his mom to come to school to help keep him under control. I asked her and her son to come and talk to me on Friday. She told me that she knew he was acting up because I was leaving and that she ven told him that if he was good that she would take him to the states to se ehis older brother that he missed. He was standing by us as we talked. I asked her where his brother lived and she said - Mississippi! I was shocked and told them that is where I live. I could see him if they came. He brightened up and smiled...then his mom asked me if it was ok for them to call me in the states. I said of course - she told him that he could call me every week if he was good in class and did his work. This is the same mom that was not very happy with me in January when I began talking to her about not lashing and beating the child so much - we have worked on finding other ways....She told me that she was thankful and that she thinks he loves me like a mom and I told her that she is his mom and he loves her - I am just his friend. She just hugged me. Child after child after child after child - I think I got over 500 hugs friday. I read "oh the places you will go" to the young people about to graduate. One of the children's cards said - I love you Miss Kim and therapy was really fun." My toughest kids that were angry with me at times were the ones that wouldn't even go home at the end of the day.

The one I couldn't quit crying over though....was my little 3 year old from the community - remember the house blessing? His mom brought him to school in the morning and said his 5 year old brother had told him that I was going away to the states and he had only talked about that for two days wanting his mom to let him see, Miss Kim before she went home. He came running into the office and crawled up on my lap just clinging to my neck and holding on for dear life. I just rocked him and his mom said, he can't stand that you are leaving and we are all sad. then she told me that they were going to get him baptised and asked him who he wanted to be his godmother - explaining about baptism and godmothers - he said "Ms. Kim" so she asked me if I would come back when he could be baptised with me here. I asked him - "do you wnt me to be your Godmother?" He just shook his head yes and hugged me tighter. His mom started crying and we just hugged and cried. The connections I feel with the people here are hard to explain. He would not leave me to go home.

Then I was given a farewell lunchoen. We had a dish that I have never had called "black dish" and homemade corn tortillas. Everyone was like this is the best food we have ever had and Ms. Rosallea just smiled and said I saved the best for Ms. Kim. I found out that it is a special local food that is used for special occassions. the teachers and Ms. Grace and Ms. Laura were to gracious and said such nice things. One person said that they had never met anyone not from Belize that would hold these kids and love them no matter what - that I truly love them all and that they know I love the teachers too. I do love them and it is so hard to leave so the love I feel in return. Mr. Vernon gave me a piece of jewelry that he made that is a musical G-cleff with a heart so I could remember my drummers.

My drummers....remember that they were the discipline problems to begin with - I had a professional drummer - the one who made the drums...come to hear them on Wednesday at my condo - we played on the beach side and had pizza. He was so impressed that he is going to continue the drumming school. We had other drummers - adults - come by and stop and they were very impressed. The children were so worried that they wouldn't get to keep drumming but God answers prayers as I could stand to dissappoint them.

It was a very trying week. I can't g0 into how hard it was but if you want to see it go to the Ambergris Caye website and check out the San Pedro Daily Sun for Thursday of last week. The headlines inlcude - Police vs. Holy Cross or something like that. I will fill you all in when I get there. I felt like I ws back in Prentiss county Mississippi in 1985. some of you understand a good ole boy system. enough said.

Monday - I was in Belize City doing a workshop for all the Anglican School Vice principals. It was really good to make that connections and meet them. It was fun and I have become fond of the water taxi - the ride across the ocean is relaxing. The ocean is just a healing force for me - physically, spiritually, emotionally...what will I do without my ocean - I do not even need my blood pressure pills here...

I had a very hard time telling Amrie good-bye tonight. She is the PhD student who has been working with me from Germany. She has a cousing here also - Christoff - who has become a good friend. He is working with Dr. Danny while working on his medical degree. they are both awesome people and I will miss them so much. We have become very close and I can't stand to think i will be in MS and she is Austria.

Biggs gave me a bear hug and told me to suck it up that I would be back. Leave it to Biggs to st me straight. He actually allowed me to cry though.

Well, I am packed and ready for bed. Mr. Victor, my taxi driver/counselor will not allow me to go to the airport with the folks from Paradise Villas so he is picking me up at 8:30 am. I have said my good-byes and given my "I will be back!"

I will be home tomorrow night - so see some of you very soon.

I know you mom would let me go with you......

2009-05-13T19:32:00.000-07:00

What can I say? It has been hard for me to blog lately as the feelings are too strong. One of my little boys said, "Miss Kim, when are you leaving?" I told him in a couple of weeks. He said, "I want to go with you, I know my mom would let me go with you." The really hard part of this is that I know his mom would let me take him to Mississippi with me. I let another little boy call tonya today. He was all grins but when he told her "I miss you" I thought I would lose it. You have to picture this. He is abused, neglected and all alone in the world. He connected with Tonya and Amrei, probably the only two people who have noticed him. He was on the phone and shaking his head to tonya's questions and did not realize that you have to talk. I wondered if he had ever had a phone call. One of my girls who has been the hardest to get close to - she gets angry and won't even look at me at times...she spent all day yesterday coming to find me. She wanted a picture of me and then would not leave me today to go back to class - just saying over and over - please don't leave me. Another little boy just keeps coming out of class every time I walk by and just grabs me and won't let go...every time he asks me how many days until I go home. I had one of the stronger ones just burst into tears today. It goes on and on...I blink back tears. I swallow hard to get rid of the lump in my throat and breathe. When I arrive home everyone asks me how my day was a t school. It reminds me of when I was a child welfare worker and I had a bad abuse case and when I got home I was asked - How was your day? I would just say - "fine". Social work is a profession in which you are always around people and you connect deeply with people but it also the one of the lonliest jobs as it is so hard to explain your days... so we just say it was a good day and go on - holding all of the pain and the memories. If we try to talk about it even in a general way to anyone who does not do this work we are rarely understood. I am thankful for my colleagues though - especially everyone who has come to help me here as I know we can talk about what goes on here and there will be those who understand.

When I was walking home today, I was so hot and I had sweated enough to drench my clothes several times. I smell horrible and look worse. I was thinking about how much I sweat here and don't even care. Other people don't care either. I walk for miles. It doesn't seem to be that far when I walk on the beach. I hear music from everywhere. Everyone says hi or buenas dias. One man told me "I hope you have a good day for all that is left of it." It is different as he really looked at me and meant it. So I come home and take a shower - have I mentioned that it is very hot here? I went to my local grocery and everyone knows me and tell me they are going to miss me. I got my hamburger from my street vendor - she only speaks spanish so she has helped me by speaking only spanish to me. When Greg was here he went to get hamburgers and forgot what I said and told her - it was for Kim and she knew what to leave off. I get teased a lot as i can't go anywhere without someone yeliing (mostly children) "Miss Kim". I fussed at a man at a bar the other day and 45 minutes later someone came to tell me about hearing about it. I sing Kareoke and I can't sing but the DJ knows what songs I want to sing and my friends at Kareoke sing with me even though I probably mess them up. I know all the bartenders and restaurant owners and waiters in my favorite places and I get hugs when I walk in. Sometimes I get the best piece of fish. The band members know me and know what songs I like. Coconut Leo came down out of his tree to talk to me today and he brings me coconuts and watches over me and my friends when we walk home at night - I give him comfort! I can see the ocean and millions of stars. I watch the greatest full moons and feel the coolest breeze at night. I can get fresh pineapple, bananas and papaya and all the shrimp and fish I can eat. Rice and beans and tortillas are always within reach. Everything is fresh - no preservatives. I had a coconut mojito with fresh coconut. I took a plane to the municipal airport - where else can I land one foot from the ocean? (I think these guys train on aircraft carriers.) I am sitting in my room and I can hear ladies' night at Wet Willies. I meet friends from all over the world. We talk about real stuff of life. What do I love about Belize? I guess I have gone on long enough. I am going to go sit on my veranda - maybe lay in my hammock and just listen, watch, feel the breeze, taste a Belikin and smell the air. Life is good.

love and miss you all.

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T16:04:00.000-07:00

It is a strange mother's day when I have none of my children in my presence. This is my fault this year as I am in Belize and my children are not. I guess this is something I will get used to as my youngest is 19 years old and all my children have their own lives, but all those memories of their childhood come back on this day especially. It seems like a flash - a video on fast forward and when it ends it just leaves this weird feeling - like I miss the times mixed with what did I do wrong and what did I do right? It is what it is and I find myself redefining my roles as a mother and even who I am. so long I have been - amanda's mom, david's mom and ben's mom...so I guess that means that was my main role - I guess it is just another change and transition time...

So I am facing another transition...going home to Oxford, Mississippi. I will be on a plane two weeks from today. Greg and Wednesday left today and I could not even leave the condo. I had in my mind when they went home I was to be readying myself for my return to the states. I had a great time with them while they were here and it seems so empty here with them gone.

My students at Ole Miss are making it easier for me to come home. I have been getting emails about being missed. Some are graduating and I missed this important day - which I am sorry about. One of m students wrote to me about the important things that I taught her. Another told me how important I am in her life. Another student wrote that she and another student walked past my office door and both looked at each other and teared up. This is all overwhelming to me and gets the lump to grow in my throat. I love teaching at Ole Miss and I do miss it. It is weird that the things they tell me have really little do do with the curriculum. I was sent a message from another friend that said the following:

We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath...

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED

I received this via email after leaving school Friday. I have had a lot of moments that have taken my breath during this sabbatical. I am a lucky person to have had this experience. I hope I have scattered good and kindness. I am so grateful to the children and families who have taught me so much. I have been allowed into the Belizean culture. It has been hard at times and I struggled often. I have, however, been reminded of what I love about social work. The people, of course, and when people allow you into their lives and if you connect and can help it is the best work - it does not even feel like work. I am sure this experience will allow me to be a better professor.

I am about to go to my last Kareoke night at Wet Willies. This has been my fun time each week. Man, I am going to miss this too.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there!

love and miss you all.

Tonya has left the island

2009-04-30T12:44:00.000-07:00

Tonya has left as of this morning. I came to school and so many of the children asked me - "but where is Ms. Tonya?" She connected to several of the children. I think her family better check her suitcases as if she thought there was a way to get them through customs, I am sure she would have them in her suitcase. The children all want to know if she is coming back...so family and friends - just be ready for her to return. Tonya also left me a "list" of many things to do for follow-up. Gotta love those "list" people! For those of you who see Tonya - ask her to see the video of our drummers in the central park yesterday. When she sends me the pics, I will post them. then ask her to see the pic with her new best friend and hero. I can't tell the story until she returns home as I do not want to spoil her story-telling....and she has a few stories to tell! Gonna miss her and Pam...life was not dull at all while they were here! And they were so supportive and so much help.

We (Tonya, Amrie and I) took nine 8-year old boys and three older girls to the central park yesterday to perform drumming and garifuna dancing. We had a blast. When we were done I let them get something from the snack place across the street....ice cream, nachos, popcorn...we got a lot attention from the drumming and dancing and several comments on how good they wee doing from other musicians on the island.

Our little boy who was malnourished and had parasitesand was being lashed and just cried and cried is now blowing bubbles and laughing. I just went by his class and he was participating and smiling. The doctor prescribed TLC...guess the medicine is working.

Tonya and Amrie had me work in the sandbox yesterday for my own therapy. I was ambushed. So I did it. Pretty much showed I have a blank slate for what my future holds, I have old dead stuff in my unconscious that doesn't matter anymore, I have good, serene feelings surrounding maternal side and females and I have all my children here in the midst of sharks where I can get to some of them and not others and I am not having very good feelings about males....well, guess that works! Amazing.

For those who would like a laugh...imagine that almost every man who has had interest in me or me them in the past or currently on this island showed up at kareoke Sunday night. (That is not many...just a few characters.) Of course my life is an open book so everyone knows my stories...bartenders, random others...so I got a lot of teasing and I was just laughing...decided my song of the night would be "Crazy" by Patsy Cline...I sang it very well thank you....with feeling. then I sang "You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille" and "Pop a top Again"...I don't even know... I put your picture away, Any man of mine....I was sung to also..."If drinking don't kill me - your memory will"...."he stopped loving her today"...."step right up, come on in, if you want to take the grand tour"....oh yeah...it was one of those unforgettable nights. My friends at Paradise Villas were like...what are you doing to these men? Nothing. All in all it was a crazy fun night. Everyone kept laughing. Of course, Tonya has her story. Tonya was so happy to find punta music - she hates old country. By the way, in case she does not tell it - Tonya can PUNTA DANCE.

I have to tease Johnson. he is driving a red golf cart. I asked him if it was in case he and "the other red golf cart" crash - they won't leave a different color paint on each other's cart. He didn't think that was very funny.

IIIIIIII LLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEE IIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT!

Miss and love y'all.

How to leave?

2009-04-28T11:16:00.000-07:00

I have had many responses to the reality blog. I have about determined that living in Belize for 5 months and working very closely with the families and children from San Mateo and other communities has given me a dose of the reality in which persons on this island live. I am not in the same place as those who come for a week or two or the Americans and those from other countries who come here to live but re-create as much of the comforts of home as possible - not all but many.
I know the culture here is just different from the culture at home. I think that is what makes it not feel real. Each has their own reality.

My reality here is that I have become very connected to the children and the families. The children show me so much love. I love them. It makes me happy to have a life that is more full of love than negativity and complaining. I like the slow pace and the time taken to just sit and talk. I like that I can have leisurely meals in the evening and then just have fun with my friends and if I can't find my friends I can just go anywhere and meet someone new and talk. I like that very few hours go by without someone coming by to say hello and to see how I am. I love deciding what I want to eat and going to the store or the vegetable stand and getting just what I need for that meal. I love the "Bush doctor" remedies for most illnesses. I love not having to use air conditioning and keeping my windows open. And of course I love the ocean and the breeze.

So, I find myself thinking about how I will transition to Oxford, Mississippi. When should be my last day at the school? How much time do I need to prepare myself mentally for the return? How do I say good-bye to the children I have worked with and my friends? One would think that this would not be hard for someone who has moved so much throughout life, but this one is very hard. I know I will come back. I am worried about some of the children and then all of the children. I know this is out of my realm of control but mostly I worry that they will think I have left them to deal with everything themselves. Let go of what I cannot control....of course, but that is not without distress.

Tonya has been here and I can't even write about what she has stirred up...I can tell you that several people will remember her visit. She has really helped with one little boy. The 6 year old was being lashed constantly and the caregiver was with-holding food for punishment. He was unkept and had a terrible body odor. His stomach was distended but he was very skinny. He just sobbed and sobbed when I first talked with him. He does not talk very much. We get a lot of head nods. When he worked in our sandbox he put everything in order - even my type, size, color! Tonya is very attached to him...of course she wants to take all of the children home. I told her this one would fit with her very well...they are both OCD.

Tonya has made a discovery that I did not even know about. The mosquitos love her. Even if there is one in my home - it will bite her 10 times. She is so fair skinned that they show up. The Belizeans are always counting her mosquito bites. Tonya asked the kids what to do about the mosquitos - they told her to get this one type of coil that burns (they call it fish). We now have about 15 of these things burning at any one time - smells like an incense store.

Tonya has also taken on the makeover of young girls - she is washing and trimming and curling hair. This has started a beauty shop in our home about every day. She has pictures. I made her go snorkeling yesterday with Reuban. She has pictures. I told her this was a growth experience to go alone. She did it and had a blast - she also did the punta dance last night!

Pam made us nuts. she left Saturday at 1 pm and was suppose to let us know when she arrived. She called Monday morning after she got home and slept 27 hours straight. I guess I work people a little too hard?

love and miss everyone!

Pam is here! and What is Reality?

2009-04-19T14:54:00.000-07:00

My fkrend, Pam, from California is here. she had a crazy trip here. Her palne was delayed in Houston for 3 hours. this meant she was coming in to Belize City at 5:30 pm. She did not understand why the airlines proclaimed this to be a problem for getting to San Pedro. (the planes do not fly from Belize City to san Pedro after dark.) they kept saying it would depend ont he weather - meaning clud cover and sunset. She made it though. She did not knwo where she was staying except for "with Kim". This proved problematic at customs as youhave to put on the immigration form - where you are staying. They let her go and she made the last flight. then she called me and sid I am sitting out on a dirt road by Tropic air and do not know what to do. I was waiting for her at Lime and checking on the flight, so I was right there. she said the taxi drivers kept asking her where she was going and she had to say - I do ot know. she said they just looked at her like she was crazy. I found her and all is well.

We got her settled in and went to eat at the Reef. Of course, she fell inlove with the food. We walked around town a little and since she had been up since 1:30 a.m. we went to sleep. Yesterday she met with Reuban about diving, Biggs about other trips, and then we got a golf cart and toured the island. I was planning on making stewed cicken for her but Johnson took over - I guess no one trusts my cooking or I am too slow or doing to many other things...Butch came over as did Johnson's sister who was in town. the food was great and Pam has gotten inducted into the island. She went cave tubing and to the zoo today. She had to be on the dock at 6:30 a.m. to leave. I woke up at 5:15 a.m. and heard her making coffee and I think she already had showered. I asked "why so early?" she said she was too excited to sleep and just got up. I walked her to the dock and went back to bed.

My email is not working due to some problem with the olemiss server...I am sorry if you have written me anything since Friday as I have not managed to get on it...I will call the tech people tomorrow to find out the problem.

Pam said something last night that I have been thinking about. She said I know why you have a hard time leaving this place - you have a hard time going back to reality. I said, "This is real." and she disagreed. so what is reality? I need feedback on this one...I have been thinking about this all day and can't seem to wrap my mind around what I truly think - my mind just goes into a blur of thoughts - you know the rapid firing kind that you can't sort out? There were many people around yesterday that wanted to meet her. They were all so anxious and excited to tell her about the island and to learn about her. They were creole, spanish, garifuna, east indian, English, American and who knows what else. We had dinner with people I just met. Johnson's sister, Virginia, came in on a sailboat with her husband from Sartinea (8 hours of sailing) to sell a huge boatload of fruits and vegetables. Virginia is a wonderful woman. She sold her produce from the moment she got here - slept on the boat so no one would take her stuff, then walked all over town selling her produce (and we are talking about great amounts) in the heat, and then would not sit still and wanted to do the dishes! It was so much fun talking to her. I am always amazed (and not sure why) at how all women have the same issues - no matter where we are from. She is out selling again today.

Ok - back to the question - what makes this feel so unreal compared to our lives in America? Is it just island life? Is it the friendliness of people you have just met? Is it that you feel cared about? People have the same problems that we have in America and are faced with survival on a very real basis. Their work extremely hard and they work long hours. Is it just the beauty of everything around - the ocean, the palm trees, the flowers? Is it the laid back attitude? When I add it all up it does have a surreal feel but then it is so very real. I have a friend in Memphis who has written about trying to find the same happiness in Memphis that she has on the island. when people look at pictures of me when I am here, they always say - "you look so happy." do I not look happy at home? If I don't, then which place is more real to me?

I have had my lonely moments or days here. I have had frustrations and gotten angry with a few people. The forgiveness here and the ability to get past what has caused disagreements is phenomenal. i am getting lessons in this. So I guess my experiences feel real. so I invite any comments on this.

love and miss you all.

Lazy days in the sun

2009-04-14T12:56:00.000-07:00

I am officially on Easter break. I have sadly left my faculty report for now so it is cutting into my days in the sun. I guess it is keeping me from becoming totally ruined for work though. It is amazing how quickly I can become so lazy that I do not even want to walk to get food. I love food - especially Belizean food. I was thinking last night if I missed any food in the States. sometimes I get hungry for a reuban sandwich and I might think about the prime rib at Boures - good martini's (is that a food?) and American tacos(which are very different form Belizean tacos) but i can for sure tell you that i am not missing the fast food at all. Of course I do have a food court in the park and with the street vendors but it is fresh food. I have learned to cook Belizean style and wonder if I can cook anything American except grilled cheese and oatmeal.

I have two friends coming to stay with me. Pam is from University of California at Chico and Tonya is from Mississippi. Both are social workers. Pam is a professor and Tonya works for MDHS in child welfare. It will be so good to have them here. I always love seeing a first time visitor in Belize see the ocean here for the first time. It is also fun to watch new folks experience all the cool and different things here. It seems like new visitors can always find something that I didn't know about too. Pam will be diving and I am not sure what Tonya likes but they will both help me at the school.

I need to work on this activity report. argh.

love and miss you all.

more Easter Festival Pics

2009-04-09T11:00:00.000-07:00

Pictures of the Easter Festival and Ole Miss Students

2009-04-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

physician heal thyself

2009-04-08T10:37:00.000-07:00

I have been sick since Sunday. some kind of upper respiratory crud. I went to the doctor and was given some antibiotics. I have been in the bed for 3 days and I am ready to be better. In all of this though I have had a lot of time to think. I know most of you are saying "uh oh". I mostly cleared my mind and rested but it came to me that I have not been following my own rules for staying healthy in a traumatic line of work. It may not have seemed to me like my life was full of traumatic events and my mind was not on how it was affecting me. I know I allowed myself to get to wore out and I was not balancing my life with other good things. Sometimes, I think, there are so many wonderful things that happen with the children that i do not see how the trauma that they are going through has an effect on me. I am on break for Easter now and I am going to refuel. It is amazing to me how I have studied and researched the effects of indirect trauma, written a book on it, do workshops all over the country...and still it sneeks up on me. Just the nature of the beast, I suppose, I think I can handle anything - and I probably could if I was managing it all properly. I will do better. Miss you all and love ya.

my children and story telling

2009-04-05T10:37:00.000-07:00

I love my children. I know you think I am talking about my children at the school. I do love them. I am talking, however, about the children I gave birth to and my nieces and nephews. My sisters and I often wonder how we could have been so blessed to have such great kids - when their parents are a little on the side of less than sane! We know we were not the most perfect parents - far from it - but our children have been surrounded by love. What I love the most about them is that they each have so much love to give and they do not hold back - they do not choose to love the lovable but often they love the people who think they are unloveable. David, my son, just wrote a blog about picking up a hitchiker when he was 20 years old (this is the first I heard of this...we will talk later! just kidding). How can I say anything about what my children do when I do the same thing. None of us take the safe and easy path. David's story - He learned a valuable lesson from a man hitchhiking and remembers the story 8 years later. David never meets a stranger - well if the person was a stranger, they won't be for long. He accepts people as they are and can find the good parts of every person. He never does anything to hurt anyone on purpose and his heart hurts if he does hurt someone else. This does not mean he does not have standards - to e David's friend you also have to find the good in you. He has the best sense of humor and can find it in every situation. He has married the most wonderful woman. She is a perfect match as David can go down some really wayward paths...Natasha has the sense to see when something is too wayward. Adventurous - they both are and have committed to go through this world together. It is cool to watch David - with his laid back self and Natasha and her motivated drive actually work it all out. They help each other. David would take blame and punishment for what someone else did during his school years when he knew the other child would be beat or could not handle what would happen. Sacrifice and thinking of others...how often do you find that?

Did I mention that all of our children are super intelligent? Yet, they each have the most fun personalities.

Amanda, my daughter, how to explain...well, I walk down any street in San Pedro and after she has only been here twice - not a day go by without several people asking me about Amanda - some people I do not even know. A story about Amanda - When she was young she said that she would never be a social worker like her mother...I think the job took too much time from her...and she knew it was hard on me. When she first moved to Memphis, I went to see her. The first morning I woke up in her apartment to noise just outside the window. I woke her up as I was conerned. She said, "oh mom, it is just the homeless guys - I leave them canned goods on the garbage can." Later that day as we went around midtown in Memphis, I found that she knew and spoke with all the homeless people in the area. Glad she didn't go into social work...right. She has befriended the hardest people to be friends with and even though she has been hurt over and over - she forgives and just loves. I think she has the most tenacity for continuing love without being loved back of anyone I know. Children love her - of course she still knows how to play and has the heart of a child. She is resilient too. did I mention she has a huge voice with a personality that cannot go unnoticed? You will know if Amanda is anywhere near. She can also tell the best stories with all the theatrics - she is our drama queen.

Ben, the youngest son, he is my wise one. He seems to have just been born with knowing right from wrong. He sees and sizes up people in less time than it takes to say hello. He knows good hearts from those meant to harm. When he was 6 years old I starting trying to date after being a year divorced. He told me he didn't like the guy because he had curly hair. He was respectful and polite but never did warm up to him. Of course, he was right. When the man started unraveling and showing his true self, Ben was there to witness - not dangerous or anything - just nuts. My dating adventures make for very funny stories - another blog another time - Ben and I see the world and people the same - we know now to trust each other and can communicate without words - just looks. It is hard for us to go shopping or out in public as we notice the same things and we can also find humor in the most everyday situations. Ben is quiet until he has something to say but he can also tell the best stories in the funniest ways. Ben used to go to class on the first day of the year and come home and say - "yep, got another teacher with issues" proved true - and the worst issue that Ben could not tolerate was when the poor kids or alienated kids were picked on by a teacher. He has been in trouble more than once for his not standing by and allowing this to happen. I was not concerned with this kind of trouble.

I think my kids have the best stories because they get out there and live life - take chances and they take the time to hear people's stories that other's by-pass. I am so proud of them.

I am also proud of my nieces and nephews. Holly, my niece, is the top of her class at Mississippi State and quite the comedian. I love the way Hollie just has always done her own thing without much fuss - she doesn't need or want recogniton - she watches and takes in and then when the time is right - she has the greatest interpetive story. She is a stand-up comedian and takes in all the craziness around her but still stays the most sane. We share the love of books.

Jess, Hollie's sister, knows what she wants in life. She wants to love, be loved, and have a family of her own. When Jess tells you she loves you - there is no fluff - she is always true to what she thinks and who she is and gives to others in a very kind and simple way - when I look at her I just see pureness and giving. She is pregnant with her first child. I can't wait have a new baby in the family. Jess is also a story teller. Another point about Jess - you never have to wonder what she is thinking - she lets you know - she is one of those people who will tell you for your own good what you need to hear even if it is hard to hear. She does not choose the easy path either and she can be a bit stubborn but I love it - gives her attitude!

Kully, my niece who shares my love for travel and taking on the most difficult situations. She is going to med school in the fall. she has spent months in Bolivia on a medical mission trip. This is her second time. She wants to help the poorest of the poor children. She has a heart a big as Texas. She feels the pain. She has had so many tragedies and losses in her life and still gravitates to working with the tragic. Calm, cool and collected as she methodically works through what ever comes her way, she is a woman of action. She has stories to tell and manages through laughter and balance in her life.

Josh, my only nephew, is probabably the funniest of all with the dryest and quickest humor. He is going to the Air Force Academy in Colorado. He want to serve his country. I am going to miss him as we can't have regular contact during these first months at school. Josh is an athlete, a scholar and a leader. He is a spirtual person and all people love Josh. He is most respectful of others and treats all with dignity and respect - here we go again - even those who other's might shun or make fun of - Josh is their champion. He also loves to read but don't tell anyone - messes with that macho image.

So can you see why I love them all? I guess I am having a hard time as I miss them all so much. The Easter break has begun. I saw the children of Holy Cross playing in the ocean and playing the games our children do not even know anymore - tag, hide and seek, hop skotch, and of course soccer. I love to watch them play. I saw a little girl last night with her dad. I knew the dad and he asked the little girl if she knew me - I had not worked with her at all - but she said, "that's miss kim at my holy cross school." I have several of you who have written to tell me the children's stories are touching your hearts. It is not just the ones with problems...there are many children with wonderful loving parents and they give so much love that just grabs me...I think that is why I was thinking about my own family and how we have given love that will be multiplied out with our children. It is not because we did much right except try and love a lot. The children who are loved will give love - that is the answer - I am sure it is that simple. The only way to work with the parents who can't love is to love them too,

love and miss you all.

Choose the good path

2009-04-02T18:00:00.000-07:00

I was riding with Mr. Victor in his cab today. This is always a special time for me. I tell him all the time that he is my counselor. He just laughs - but really he is...He has a bible and a devotional book next to him on the console. I picked up the devotional book and it talked about choosing the good path...listening to what god wants you to do. Mr. Victor and I talked about this. I told him that I want to come back and continue to work with the children at Holy Cross, but the way is not being made for me to do this. I just have to know that God will make the way for me to be where I am suppose to be. If he keeps me in Mississippi - there is a reason.

I know many of you have been praying for me. I know because after I wrote my last blog I went to bed. I woke up and had a peace about me. I got up and had the strength to go back to school and felt happy. I could keep the smile going all day. the little boy came to me and said he wanted to introduce me to his best friend. She is the most angelic little girl you will ever see or know. It made me happy to know she was there for him. I do not know why but seeing the two of them together reminded me of the Forrest Gump movie and Forrest's little girl friend. He then came up to me and said I am ready to talk to you. My heart went into my throat. I asked him if he wanted to talk to Ms. Grace also - he said yes. When we got to her office - he was calm and just told us that he was good. He acknowledged that we cared and that we loved him and just want to help but he still would not tell and even said no one was hurting him. I can't help but feel like he just wants to protect us. I can't explain why I think this but Ms. Grace feels it also.

I witnessed something that will be hard to explain. I will try. Our boys (10-12 year olds) in "anger management group" have a problem sitting still. We have passed a nerf ball around...Amrie decided to bring a little tub of smooth polished stones to the group for them to hold while they talked. When she put the tub on the table they grabbed for them - each trying to get the most. they hid them - put them in their pockets - tried to grab other stones from each other...caused quite a ruckus...I just watched for awhile. then I said, "STOP. put all the stones you have on the table in front of you and do not touch them. They could not do it. It took forever for them to be able to put the stones on the table and put their hands in their laps and still they were so guarded and worried about someone taking their stones. I told them to think about what they were doing. The stones were about 25 in number and the whole bag cost about $1 US. No stone was prettier than another or worth more. It was amazing. They had to talk about why they think what someone else has is better and how they did not trust anyone to not take something away from them - even when it was worthless. They fought over worthless stones.

Amrie had another culture lesson. This followed the lesson - you have to ask the right question or information will not be forthcoming.

My lesson - the post office. before I start - I do love and appreciate our postal workers but I have had the craziest time getting 6 boxes that tonya sent me. First - they were addressed to the school but because it had attention to me - I had to go sign for them. I went on tuesday afternoon. I was told that they could not give them to me because it was the last day of the month. Let me say - it is hard for me to leave the school to go to town and with 6 boxes - I have to not be walking. I went back today. The power was off - no electricity - somehow that was a reason I could not get my boxes. Needless to say - you folks that know me - let's just say - I was a little frustrated. The power came on and I got the boxes...I was laughing though...more lessons for me in slowing down.

We have an Easter festival tomorrow. The drummers and dancers will be performing. I wish you could here them and see them. The volunteer dentists were great this week. They saw 85 children!

I think our girls anger management group is going well. (the girls decided they wanted one also.) After group today - we said we would not have group tomorrow as the festival was happening...they said they wanted to come to group anyway...well, at least we know it not just to get out of class.

We need a full time social worker on this island who works for DHS. We need a foster care system on the island. Just thought I would ay it again. If I talk about this girl's situation it would be to easy for some to know who she is...let's just say...she has a social worker - on the mainland...she needs to talk to her...this child has been abandoned over and over - reactive attachment disorder, post trauamtic stress, depression...she needs a permanent home. argh! and all in all - she is holding it together....I told her Martha's story today - she is a friend who is a social worker in the states with child welfare who was a foster child. I told her because when I said "we are going to figure out how we can take everything you have been through and turn it in to good." she looked at me like I was crazy and said "how?"

I hope this blog reaches counselors and social workers who might have some time to come here and work. You are needed. I know the social workers on the mainland have a high caseload but there is the thought that the kids on the island do not have the needs of the kids on the mainland. I cannot fathom how the country can ignore San Mateo and the other communities. these families have stong ties and they are good people but they are stressed with financial concerns and survival needs. they work so hard just to barely make it and there is no time left for family and to nurture the children. they would if they could.

signing off - love and miss you all.

My broken heart

2009-03-31T21:03:00.000-07:00

My heart is breaking. I can't stop the tears. I have to keep this child's identity hidden but for those who know me just know this is about he child that has stolen my heart. They all have a piece of my heart but this one is more capable of tearing through my soul than any child I have ever met in all my years of child welfare. He is 7 years old. He carries the biggest burden. He tries to be strong as is as strong as any man that I have ever known - probably stronger than most men I know. He has been being good. Today he had a horrible day. He disrespected the teacher very badly. He couldn't, therefore, go to drumming. I went to get him out of drumming and he looked so hurt. I took him into another room and said, "What is wrong, what has happened that you had such a bad day?" He started crying, trying hard to not cry but his tears started flowing and would not stop. He had a t-shirt under his shirt and her took it out from being tucked in to wipe his tears and nose. My heart broke again. How many times can my heart break for one child? How many pieces can my heart be in and still keep beating?

I asked him if he was still being beat at home and he shook his head no. I told him that what he said to his teacher makes me think that he knows too much about sex - more than a boy his age should know. I asked him if someone was hurting him in a sexual way and he shook his head yes. For my friends in child welfare - you know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when a child admits this to you...for those of you who have never had this experience...I hope you never have it. It is the worst. I can't even compare it to someone dying. I believe when someone dies they are in a better place. There is no more suffering as we have on this earth. The joys in heavan can not even compare to the joys on earth. When a child tells me that someone is hurting them - I have to be able to help them - I have to be able to make the suffering stop. It is what I am trained to do. This child is carrying this burden alone. He is too frightened to tell me who. He will not tell. I tried to tell him that I can't help him if I do not know who it is that is hurting him. He just cried and cried.

I was holding it together and he stopped crying so hard and I looked at him and said, "Is it because you are thinking about not being in school for two weeks - having to be home for two weeks with no school?" He began crying so hard and shook his head yes.

My God. Where is my God? What child does not look forward to being home from school on a break? I pray for this child every day. I pray for all the children everyday. I hope everyone reading this prays also. I do not doubt that God is here. I see Him everyday working in the lives of these children. I do not know why these things happen to children. I have to believe He is helping this child cope. This child has so much love to give and he is so intelligent. He is an angel but what is happening to him is because of the evil that is allowed to roam.

When he let me know that he just did not want to be home for 2 weeks. I lost it. I couldn't help it. All the years of training went down the drain. I just cried. I held him and rocked him and just cried with him. How can I tell him that I love him when he knows I won't always be here for him? How can a little 7 year old boy know that a day won't go by that I do not think of him and all the children who have touched my heart?

He calmed and he began to read me a book. when he finished I told him that I needed to go to the bathroom. I really was going to find Ms. Grace, the principal. I found her and she was with his teacher. I tried to talk to her but I started crying again. I told them that I know he can be impossible but please know he is trying to control himself. He just can't. Ms. Grace has the right name. She is so full of grace. she went immediately to him and tried to talk to him. She told me that he would think about it tonight about whether he could tell us what is happening to him. He told me he had to go home because if he was late he would get a lashing.

I let him go. I went back to see the drummers and they were finishing. they asked me if I heard how good they were today. I just smiled and said "yes, I heard you. I was listening. You are doing so good." they just beamed. There smiles can take away some of the pain I feel. At night, when I am alone, the pain returns.

I hear the ocean. I watched it today. The ocean calms me. Somehow, the ocean and the sky in Belize makes me feel so close to God. It is so big. It is so powerful. The colors are like no where else in the world. God is here. No other way to explain the beauty or how people can exist day to day with such hard lives and still be so happy.

When I was leaving the school today a man pulled up in a golf cart in the school yard. He asked me if I was a part of this school. I said yes. He said tell me about this school. How can I put into words what this school means to the children here?

I love you all and miss you.

101 degrees

2009-03-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

whew! It is 101 degrees here today. They say the Easter winds are starting. All I can say is it is hot and humid and I am sweating a lot. Everyone is always commenting on how much I sweat. I respond with either - I am healthy or I am fat or both.

I had a lot of mixed emotions this week at school. It was the best of times and the worst of times, to quote. I have good news as our mom that went to Guatamala made it back with needed documents by report of her son. Also - "N's" mom has returned from the states - she is much better. the group of boys who are anger management are doing a lot of great work together. They have been alking about their home lives and have opened the group to a couple of other boys in their class that they thought needed to come to the group. They made a promise on Wednesday to not say bad things about each other's mothers (this has been a terrible issue) and they have kept from it for two days. They even laughed as one boy got mad on Thursday and went to say "Your ma..." but he stopped at Your...and just grunted as he could not finish it without breaking the promise. They all laughed. then they promised Thursday to not touch each other - no punching, hitting, etc. they kept that promise also. We need stress balls for them to hold during group - we are passing around a nerf ball right now. I am going to ask Tonya to bring some - anyone who has some from all of our conferences - try to get them to her.

I have a new colleague. Amrie is a PhD student from Austria - she is originally from Germany. she is doing her internship with me here. She has been here a week and has been a lot of help. Plus - we can share ideas and she is a good counselor. she is making a sand box for play therapy - cool stuff is being collected. she is also good with autistic kids. She is working with a child that we have not been able to keep in class who is autistic.

The negative side of the week is that overall the children started at the end of the week to become more and more violent with each other and defieant toward their teachers. Ms. Grace predicted the week before Easter break would be rough. It started already and we have next week to go. One child - nto knew to me - stabbed another child around the eye with a pencil. this one is trouble every day but not this bad. We had to call the police and if he messes up one more time, he will go to boot camp on the mainland. I just do not know how to help him. He showed no remorse for his harm of the child. Another 3rd grader (male) punched a 3rd grade girl in the face - big bruise - then took her sandal and tore it apart. Amrie and I talked about it as this was not all of it - We think the kids are anxious and they do not want to be home for two weeks. Home is not good and they probably won't be fed much. It is a definite change in how they are acting. I just got a break from one problem after another and then Noel came looking for me and said Ms. Grace needs you now outside - Lord, Lord..."V" had pulled one her silent defiance acts and when Ms. Grace and a male teacher were premoving her from class - she just sat down in the sand outside and would not move. This child's mother is in the states and was suppose to be back by the middle of march - no word. I just went out there and looked at her and said, sit there as long as you want. " - (In the hot sun) I just talked to someone standing by in the shade for about 5 minutes and then looked at her and said "Are you ready to go to my office?"she shook her head yes and came with me. I had to talk with her sister also the next day - they are beyond upset about their mom. what is she doing?

Cindy delivered a new hammock for my balcony! Are you all turning off your lights tonight? I am wondering if the bars will turn off their lights at 8:30 for an hour. Of course there has been one parade already today - not sure why...then there is suppose to be another parade tonight for this earth day thing or whatever it is. We have a lot of parades.

I have had a few discussions about the "be real" situation. I think at least with those I count as my friends here - they listened.

Ok - it is hot! Miss you and love ya.

be real

2009-03-24T15:45:00.000-07:00

You have to be real. I guess that is the opposite of being fake. I have heard this line more than once since coming to Belize - someone telling another to "be real". I think honesty is one of my redeeming qualities - sometimes to a fault. It has gotten me in trouble on many occasion as I have never been able to "kiss butt" or cover what I am really feeling or thinking. It is always very evident. I have, therefore, decided it is better for me to be real. I am in a culture in which even though people go around saying be real, it does not seem to be the mode of operation. This is the hardest part of being in Belize. One of my friends wrote me an email today that made me start thinking about this and how frustrating it is to be around people who function by not being real to tourists, especially, but even with each other they are not real. (Let me say at this point that I am trying to not stereotype the whole population - give me time to explain).

She wrote "it's pretty bad when the discovery guide talks about how belizean men are rarely faithful to one woman,and crave variety-wow-it's in the freakin guide book-not like i expected monogamy from any man there but it's a fact huh."

It is really in the guidebook. wow.

I am always wondering when I am talking to someone if they are being real. I think the longer that I am here, the more I am learning and as I become more welcomed into the community, I think people are becoming more real. I watch interactions between locals and tourists and see a play act going on - it is hard to explain because I think the Belizean people are basically friendly people and they take time to just talk - and about important things - and they can be great, loyal friends...but there is another underlying issue that divides. I think it is the idea that all Americans, Canadians and Europeans that come here are rich and that the locals do what they can to gain material things from them and at the same time there are may of these tourists who think they are better than people from Belize. I am not saying this is blatant or that this is done on purpose or with any kind of thought process behind it. Not usually. It becomes a make believe time in which everyone has fun together in the fantasy but when I pull back the curtain, the actors and actresses are really different from the roles they play with each other. This is true in every place I go - it is just more evident here to me. Maybe it goes back to the guidebook comment. It is more pronounced that the men romance the tourist women and just lie about their wives, children, girlfriends with children, etc. It runs over into other parts of their lives too.

I guess this in on my mind because of what I hear and see at the school. I am working with 5 ten and eleven year old boys - anger management in a group. All but one is being abused physically and emotionally. They come to school and turn on each other. They tell stories about their home lives that are more than I can even listen too and they are also imitating the racism that they hear and see at home. Racial slurs, basing people's worth on the darkness of their skin - literally the shades of darkness. I think poverty and racism go hand in hand with lack of education but the ill effects of racism on all of our societies makes me so sad. Lack of education and poverty is not the only thing that breeds racism. why do we spend so much time trying to divide ourselves through economics, race, nationality, gender? I like to spend my time and energy getting closer to people and learning and understanding. I know it sounds like I am getting jaded - not really - just aware of what is around me. I am struggling with how to get people to be real with me. I do not judge and I have a lot of love. Just be real.

Being "real" would allow us to stop basing how we treat each other on the color of skin. I feel so alone in this thought. I know I am not alone but there are so many actors in the world that I can't tell who is real and who is faking it. Are people treating me nice because I am white and they think I have something to give them in a material way? or are they my friend because of who I am and because I am real? I feel tested a lot - another word around here is "true?" When I say something...response...true? why do we have to keep checking on whether or not somehting is true? one would think because there are a lot of lies. I hate lies. They feel like the ultimate betrayal. I can't believe someone after they have lied to me and it messes up everything.

I am in a weird mode today. My students have left. They were great! they worked so hard at the school and played so hard in the evenings. Of course everyone loves the ole miss students! Everyone around here misses them. My drummers are doing great. We have a free drumming lesson tomorrow from the man who made the drums. He is bringing the big drum tomorrow. I have not heard that the mom who went to guatamala got back yet so keep praying. "N"'s mom has not made it back yet either.

I made fried green tomatoes last night and fried chicken - time to bring mississippi to belize. of course i didn't have milk for my batter so i used cococut milk for my tomatoe batter...pretty good.

love and miss y'all!

why is i so hard to follow my heart?

2009-03-17T21:44:00.000-07:00

I stole this line from my friend Dr. Jim from Durham, North Carolina. He is wishing he could come here to work all the time too. I am having a hard time thinking about leaving these children. D asked me the other day when I had to leave and then when was I coming back? I can't tell him and he looked so distressed. I am about to cry right now thinking about his face. He and N have totally stolen my heart. I have used the money from Wendy's church to buy 8 drums and a set of turtle shells for my standard I boys (which includes D and N). they have to behave all day and do their work to be able to come to after school drumming. We have been practicing and I am telling you - they are already getting good and being good in class. D and N walked me home tonight and N held my hand all the way home. when we got to their turn for their homes I gave them some a couple of dollars as they wanted a fry jack - they were running off to buy their treat and N turn around and said " I need a hug bye." I can't stand it. The tears are flowing as I write. I try not to think about leaving them and now that I have written it my heart hurts so bad. I tr to just savor the smiles and hugs and good times but the other thoughts creep in - especially at night when I am alone.

The twelve Ole Miss students are here along with Angela Gaddis and her family. Angela is a professor at Belhaven and she is shadowing me in order to develop a program like this at Belhaven. Angela has the most adorable 13 year old son, Andrew. He is running and playing with all the island kids. Andrew helped Johnson cook for all the students last night. We ate the rest of the Baracuda and snapper and shrimp with rice and tortillas. The students loved it...but while Johnson was cooking - he allowed Andrew to cook with him - I cam through and saw what all he was letting him do and said...wait a minute - you wouldn't let me in the kitchen when you cooked...why does andrew get to cut vegetables and do everything...andrew turned to me and said "It is just a man thing" Johnson loved it and high fived him...I told them I was about sick of this male bonding crap. They really are bonding...

My students are great as always! They are working one on one with children who need help with reading. They are doing a great job. Cynthia speaks spanish and was helping a little 7 year old girl who is form honduras and speaks spanish...she couldn't read her story yesterday but cynthia wrote out vocabulary words and when she came today she had studied them and could read her whole story. wow. they really are making a difference. Some of them stayed and played soccer with the kids but they decided they may be too good for them. The students are snorkeling with
Biggs tomorrow and then he is taking them fishing thursday afternoon and cooking for them Thrusday night. Most of them have been on a Maya Ruin tour (sunday) and one went cave tubing on saturday. They have gone to their first Kareoke at Wet Willy's and even though none of them had even sang Kareoke - they are now veterans and asking me where is the next one? We did Taco Tuesday tonight...there are 30 West Point Cadets at our same hotel...needless to say they have bonded.

I have a prayer request. I have been working with a mom who just has to get her immigration papers from Guatamala. She has been attaching herself to jerks - men who hit her and threaten to turn her into immigration if she doesn't put up with their crap...just to be able to feed and shelter her kids. We have talked...well, she speaks spanish but we are communicating...she wants to work but she has to have her papers. She has lost 2 babies from the last jerk beating her. She has a twelve year old boy who gets in the middle of the fights to protect his mom and a 6 year old girl. They have Belizean fathers. This lady came form Guatamala when she was 10 years old with a lady she did not know...can onl imagine.....she was pregnant by age 13 years and is now 25 years old. We took a leap of faith and went to immigration Friday morning. I was a ball of nerves trying to have faith that God would anser our prayers....the immigraiton officer is rough but I was about to cry and was begging and the six year old kept smiling at him...he finally said he would not deport her. she has to go to Belmopan and get traveling papers, then to Guatamala to get her birth certificate and passport - then come back to start the proceedings for legal immigrant. She left today (with the help of Wendy's church donation) to go do all of this...left the kids here...she had to....this is unbelievably scarey. What ifs??? I just keep saying God will bring her back with the documents.

The soccer moms won -- 9 to 1!

Why is it so hard to follow my heart...it is all about security and money. I do love teaching at Ole Miss - I mis everyone and miss teaching. It is just I don't know how to leave these children when there is no one else to carry the torch for them - when there is no social worker ont he island that can do counseling....

by he way, I have found a new type of therapy - keep kim from coming to our house to do family therapy - therapy. the couple that was not speaking except to yell and threaten each other - causing great stress to their son? well, the boy told me yesterday that after I told both his parents that I would come to their house - the situationw as serious with their son - the stress level has to be reduced in the home - so you can come to me or I will come to you but we will have a fmaily team meeting....he said they started talking and were even smiling and laughing with each other over the weekend...he even smiled.

I have been working wit a 5 year old who all of a sudden became violent and totally will not do his work after being ok...just after all the shootings. I have talked and talked to this child and can't get anything about what he angry about and he says he is afraid sometimes...well, i talked to mom today...he actually witnessed the shooting of his cousin. Mysery solved. I was floored.
Guess we know now ....what was that about doing a complete psychosocial history...

One of my 12 year olds told me that her mom is in the states and she cooks, clens, shops, etc. for herself and four bothers. Mom left her with a step-dad. Dad monitors all her calls to her mom. He also like to beat on the girl and the boys. What will happen??? future blogs....

getting sleepy...miss you and love you a lot.

Cultural Responsiveness

2009-03-12T13:56:00.000-07:00

To be responsive to a culture...I have lived through times when we were taught to be culturally sensitive, then culturally competent and now culturally responsive. If cultural responsiveness was walking down the road...what would it look like? I stole and adapted that line from Dr. Desiree Stepteau Watson. So what would it look like? I can learn about the Belizean culture. I can understand the culture. I can be sensitive to the culture. I can even adjust to the culture. It is trying to be me, which includes being an educated woman who loves people of all shapes and sizes and ethnicity and race and education and whatever...anyway, it is hard to be me and truly be accepted into this culture. Of course, tourists are accepted as tourists. Ex-patriots - pretty much stick together. Did I mention that I want to be emersed into the culture to really learn about it? That does not include living here and watching it from the outside or playing the role of a tourist. Suffice it to say that really emersing myself in the culture and among the people requires a lot of trust and the problem I am having is the way women and men treat each other here. I am still trying to understand the relationships and how they work or don't work. I do know that the children are suffering a lot due to the nature of the adult's relationships with each other. Thoughts at the end of the day...I have been into San Mateo three times today - I guess that is why I am thinking. Yesterday I continued to work on the issues from the day before and it became more and more evident that the problems between parents are cuasing so many problems for the children. I am going to immigration with one of the moms from Guatamala who needs to get here papers. She is scared to do but she has two Belizean children - on in our school - she keeps allowing a man to beat her who is threatening her with going to immigration to report her, etc. She needs to be legal. Pray that this works out ok. The Ole Miss students are coming tomorrow and Saturday. I just met another Ole Miss student who took the semester off to help his uncle build a bed and breakfast in Cayo. I convinced him to stay on the island until our students come! didn't take much. I met a couple from Taylor, Mississippi here on vacation.

Love an miss you all.

and another thing...

2009-03-10T13:41:00.000-07:00

I forgot to say that i had a great day yesterday. I was at Choloes....on my day off...sitting with Johnson and Eric came up and said do you want a Barracuda? Got it all cleaned and cut up and before we could leave the dock to take it home to cook...we sold the roe...for as much as we paid for the fish. I like this business....we fed many people - Johnson cooked again...a Fish Stew and Curry Rice....and we still have a lot of fish left. We also have the head if anyone is interested....People are actually fighting over the head. I like this kind of fishing and am learning about the fish sales business. Johnson introduced us to his daughter and son-in-law. Butch came by to eat and talk...just a good day.

Feels like Monday

2009-03-10T13:22:00.000-07:00

Why are "first days" back after a holiday weekend always crazy? It does not matter where I work or how much rest I get or how I prepare myself...Today is no exception. First thing I worked with a child who is experiencing post traumatic stress from being in a house fire when he was 6 years old. His parents were not home and the children were asleep. The 6 yr. old boy got his younger sister and carried her out and woke his older sister. The older sister has been blamed as a candle caught a curtain on fire. They had no electricity. The parents are fighting, the children are being beat by their father now and the child was so stressed this morning. He is 12 years old now. He is having all the signs of ptsd. The hardest part...who will continue to work with him when I leave?

Then I had a boy with a knife...spent a few hours with the police trying to find his mother....have not found her yet.

Two 10 year olds bullying (this would be girls).

One little girl who is at the top of her class has been missing school. I called the mom to ask where she lives as I am coming out there...she said the child would be at school in 10 minutes...and she was but she was crying. I have no idea...she won't say. Pray for this one!

One little girl whose mom in in the states got stung by the sea grass...I was doctoring her...she said - Ms. Kim are you the new nurse? I said no, I am not a nurse, I have just taken care of a lot a kids and I am a mom. She said you are a good mom. I about cried. She wants her mom to come back so bad and mom keeps saying she will come and then she doesn't.

I did give "D" his converse shoes. He is so very happy!! He took forever to put them on and lace them up. Of course "N" was right there to watch. When he was almost finished he said can I give my boots that are too small to someone? I said well - ask your dad who you should give them to...he said I know another boy who doesn't have any shoes...he will be happy and my dad would not care. He said thanks for my converse shoes....

I am going to give a tour of San Mateo to the group from Duke University. They have worked hard today and have been a great help!

Love an miss you all.

Meet me at the waffle house...

2009-03-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

My mind drifts to when I have to leave here and how am I going to adjust. I already have named my next blog for when I return and I am claiming it so that no one else can - It will be "Meet me at the waffle house" and I know I stole this line from Colt Ford - but "I love it!". Greg and Wednesday are here and I am having a great itme with them. they got here Friday at 1 pm and I have introduced them to all the folks at Paradise and my new friends on the island. they brought lots of stuff for the school - thank you to everyone who donated - it is awesome! I know their suitcases are going to be much lighter going home! I now have pepto and hydrocortisome cream and vitamins! I can't wait to give D his new converse tennis shoes. I want Greg and Wednesday to come to the school to give him his shoes. Greg and Ernesto just took off in the golf cart and I have know idea what they will get into before they return...Wednesday went to dive but came back as the water is really rough - she said the waves outside the reef yesterday were 8 feet. Not sure how she made it. We have learned that when they are out of Caribean rum do not get the parrot rum...asthe locals say - it makes your head crazy...I will let Wednesday tell you about that one...we had a politacal celebration last night. Election day was wednesday and the UDP (democrats) won. They had a parade through town - loud does not explain it - at 2 am after the votes were counted. Last night we had another parade and a central park party - $2 BZ beer and music I never saw so many people. It was cool to see people and watch the celebration.

One of my friends left today - tom from Idaho - he has been here 18 days. One cool thing about being the long termer - I get everyone's stuff that they can't take back. Today Tom gave me grey goose vodka (which I have not had for three months), pizza, milk, beer, rolls, mustard, mayo, some kind of local gin that I am not too sure about...aloe...i do not even know what all. sandy is leaving thursday and she is bringing stuff already. I was really glad that she gave me her oatmeal. The isalnd has been out of oatmeal and no shipment coming in for two weeks. Who would have thought?

Johnson cooked fish, shrimp, rice, and tortillas for us last night. We had so much fun. I tried to help him but he kept running me out of the kitchen. We have learned that he is an excelent chef. I told Greg that if we could open a restaurant in which Ernesto, Biggs, Martin and Johnson cooked but then I said well - they would each have to cook a different night as none of them could cook together...and we had butch bartending....man! I know we could rack in the people. anyone out there want to invest?

I am going to the pool to lay out with Wednesday and just hang today. We have a holdiay tomorrow. such is life. I do have the worry about what is happening with my house - another story - so Ben - you could email me and tell me what is up.

Love ya and miss you all.

New perspectives

2009-03-04T15:21:00.001-08:00

Traveling has always been my greatest past time. I think that I have passed this down to my children as you can see by Amanda's and David's blogs - they are also travelers. I have never understood why some people do not like it. I think it goes back to moving so much as a child and not having roots anywhere. I have never felt like I belonged anywhere or that I really fit in to any community. This is not a bad thing; it just is. Even so, I learned to connect to people and have great friends and have met wonderful people throughout my moves and travels. It is more important to me to connect to people in a real way - to share the important things in life - our thoughts, our dreams, our struggles, our memories, our losses, our loves, and our passions. It is important to listen and be there when needed. It is important to be loving and not a burden to others and to stay as positive about life as I can.

I am just reflective today. I am thinking about my friends and home and my friends here. I am blessed to have great friends who put up with my craziness. Just thinking about how blessed I am. love and miss all my good friends.

answered prayers and joy

2009-03-02T19:56:00.000-08:00

I recently was at a dinner with a group of volunteers who wanted to meet with community leaders in San Pedro. Everyone that was present had their name on a sheet with their emails and addresses. I had decided that I could go at the last minute so my name was not on the sheet. I sat next to the owner of Maya Island Air. He leaned over to me at dinner and said but your name is not on this list. I told him that I like to fly low. Those of you reading this are probably saying...yeah right because I seem to always be out there, but really, I have been thinking about this. Things happen that I know were because of my prayers and the things that are happening are from God answering prayer. It is not because my skills are that great. I pray constantly for guidance in what to do and for god to intervene in the lives of these children. The only thing I do is pray a lot and love them.

One answered prayer concerned "D" and "N" - my little "darling" boys that were getting in trouble everyday and not doing their work. I went to their class the other day because their teacher was in the office dealing with some things. I walked in and everyone was doing their work and being quiet. I said "wow, you all are doing our work quietly like little angels - who did your teacher leave in charge?" D and N both stood up proudly and said "we are - but you need to get onto that boy over there because he is not doing his work good and causing problems." I was shocked and said "You two are in charge? I am so proud of you! You are doing a great job!" they just beamed. I grabbed them up and hugged them. I know it was not my skills but god working to let them have better home lives and allowing me to love them. D gave me a picture that he drew for me. He is very talented. We have the drums ordered and will be getting them in a couple of weeks thanks to Wendy's fundraising efforts.

I have so much joy working with these kids that I just want everyone else to find the same joy. I have new neighbors at my condo and they are both retired enducators. They came to the school today and the woman is going to volunteer to teach D and N's class since their teacher left on maternity leave and we are without a teacher for a couple of weeks until they can find a replacement. I was telling her about D and N - when she met them - she said you know when I come to teach your class, I will need help - I wonder who could help me know what to do when. They both looked at each other and said - we will help you. I told them they will need to help Ms. Sharon with the little girl that just speaks spanish in their class too. they said - "no problem - we speak spanish". This is a far cry from where we were two months ago or even a month ago.

There has been a little girl that comes in every day with a stomach ache and headache. Of course I explore the school anxiety, possible abuse or issues at home, bullying form other kids, etc. Nothing....Now I don't have any idea why I thought of asking her about her diet and shen the headaches and stomach aches exist...I think it is from watching so many episodes of HOUSE. I think we have figured out that she has a wheat allery. cut out the pancakes in the morning and voila - no headaches and stomach aches. I totally do not know where these ideas come from if not divine intervention.

Our soccer moms won their soccer game sunday evening. They are so proud! Another awesome thing happened...I am trying to find a grant or something that would enable the start of a sewing co-op for the women of our neighborhood. They are all about this...I was at the pool Saturday and Jan ( a new friend) and I had been talking about the project...she came out of her room and said that she wanted to show me something. she had made a beach bag out of the plastice sacks that we get everywhere here. They ae all diffeent colors - she cuts them into strips and loops them together and rolls them into a ball - then she crochets them - presto - a waterproof, very colorful beach bag. I need crochet needles...and everyone at the pool said they would pay at least $50 for that bag if it was made in San Pedro...and then eveyone was brainstorming where we could put recycling boxes out for people to put their used bags..free materials - can't beat that and recycle at the same time. I told some of the moms today and they are excited. they could even make these while they are selling food.

"A" is a little boy who is very shy and quiet. He has become a new friend. He is about 8 years old - must be a sucker for that age...anyway, he was at my house last night and when he asked me if I had any paper glue as he had a project to do before tomorrow and needed glue. I said no - but the stationary store has glue - we can go get some. We went to the store and bout a little bottle of glue - about a dollar...his mom's boyfriend told me today that he was so proud to have his own glue and said he didn't want to take it to school as the other kids might want it. He cherished the fact tht he had his own bottle of glue. He came by tonight and walked with me to get a phone card at the stationery store...we got an eraser tonight. I just am amazed at how happy these children are with anything yo give them. Can you imagine our kids thanking us and being happy that we got them a bottle of glue or an eraser?

I have learned that when the weather changes, the bugs bite more. I also have not been eating my peppers. the weather was cold this morning - not as cold as Mississippi as I learned that we got snow this weekend...How was that baseball game at Ole Miss?

I moved to my different condo. It isn't setting well with me as I am not seeing my good neighbors as often. It is fine - just a change and I have enough going on that I wish I didn't have to change. I do have a CD player in this condo - think my neighbors are not happy about that. I got a little homesick this weekend. i talked to Ben and am missing you all so much. Then I learned that it snowed and was glad that I was here. don't miss the mississippi weather.

Greg and Wednesday will be here friday!!! I know yo all are thinking - no blogs for awhile...I will try to blog though. I have them bringing "stuff" - They emailed today to say they got it all and then I asked for crochet needles! then the next week I have 12 students coming form Ole Miss to volunteer for a week at the school. I have the work lined up! If any of you are reading this...there are also 30 West Point Cadets coming in for that week to our same condo complex...I really dread ladies night at Wet Willy's. Anyone want to come and help?

Hung out with Butch and Johnson at times this weekend. that was fun. They can always make me laugh.

I pulled one of my old child welfare rantings the other day...this mom sent a 5 year old wlaking to school quite a ways and she had a high fever, coughing, crying when she got there. Her 6 year old brother - it was also learned that morning - had lice...I tokk them both home in the taxi and the mom came sauntering up to me looking irritated that I had the kids...I sort of was a little stern with her about sending her child to school sick and she needed to take her to the doctor..then I said this child has lice..she wanted to argue with me and say that black people do not get lice - well - it you took care of his head and hair he would have less chance but I showed her the lice and said what do you call this? about that time, Mr. Victor, the cab driver and "my counselor" got out of the van and said "maam, please jsut take yor child to the doctor - ms. kim - we need to go" I asked hime when I got in the cab if he was rescuing me or her? He just shook his head and laughed. The child was better today and the other has his head shaved...love this work.

I am going to sleep now. I want to go to work tomorrow! It is a joy to want to get up in the morning to go to work! I like work days better than weekends.

Love and miss you all - keep praying - we have know idea what good things will happen.

Highlights from the past 11 days

2009-02-25T18:41:00.000-08:00

You probably think that since Pammie and Wendy showed up I forgot how to write...well, we were just super busy and I could not find a block of time to sit and write. i will catch you up now though as they left today. It is so quiet and lonely at my house tonight. I have the geiko and a new frog outside that the cat is driving crazy. Since the cat has not killed it, I am wondering if it is poisonous. I am not going near it.

Pammie and Wendy were awesome social workers and I do say I know they have many new friends and email partners to keep up with now. They helped me more than I can even explain by interviewing children and giving me new eyes to things that happen every day at the school and on the island. I am having hard time processing what happened today as I have had them to talk to every night and morning. It just helps to have someone to talk to about the days here. They worked hard and sweated a lot. I miss them already. Everyone was sad today and asked if they really left.

The highlights of the last days...D and N are actually doing their work! They have not been sent out of class either. I did a sexual abuse prevention talk yesterday to the Standard I students - their classes - 60 7 and 8 year olds...I had questions like I have never had before and I have probably done this talk over 100's of times. One question - So what happens if the person who is trying to sexually abuse you has a knife or a machete and they are going to cut your throat? What if you can't get away? Now you have to imagine that he is showing me the cut across the throat as he is asking the question...another question - "I heard that if they sex you - you can get pregnant, is that right?" and when asked where you might me when sexual abuse happens...on the beach, behind the bushes, in a hotel, in a shop, in your house...who? dad, step-dad, uncles, moms, tourists, anybody! ok enough - it was more than I could take from 7-8 year olds. D and J came up to me afterwards and told me that J had seen someone hold a knife to a kids throat in Belize city but he got away but the guy shot at him. D wanted to talk but then didn't so I am waiting him out and checking with him every day.

On the lighter side...I have given three of the worst behavior girls in Standard II (third grade) post-it-notes that are heart shaped, flower shaped and they just love them. I also took them for ice cream when they acted appropriately for a week. Three other girls fromt he same class walked me home the other day. One of them said do you have any more of those heart notes? I said no, but I am trying to get someone to bring me some from the states because i figure all little girls in Standard II need heart shaped notes...she said well, do you think all little girls need ice cream? I thougth for a sec and said hmmm...i am sure that all little girls need ice cream - so when are we going? they said next week. I am going to walk them home friday and ask their parents if we can get ice cream.

The San Mateo moms...wow...their soccer coach - Cruz - came to me last Friday and said - "Miss Kim, we have a problem. The shirts you got the ladies for their soccer are white and all the other teams have white shirts." I told him that I don't have another color of shirt. He said then you have to dye them. No, not me...unless you want tye died....then he said no we need you to buy the dye and they will dye them - ok - long discussion on color....how to dye....they showed up on Sunday afternoon with beautiful blue-gray shirts that match the school colors - i told them the marble look they created is one you pay big money for...they won their game and played so good together - Lynette played and made a goal! Now we have tow more things happening. We had a meeting and they are in favor of starting a coop - cottage industry. They need income. So after much discussion - we want to teach them to sew - make island table clothes, place mats, napkins, clothing, and the school jumpers. They also want to learn to make pastries to sell. During the discussion though - one mom said - but Miss Kim even if we got the sewing machines donated...we do not have electricity - we need a building with electricity, sewing machines, material and a teacher...to start. Any ideas for grants? One of the volunteers is all aobut helpign with this. Then one of the moms came to me after church sunday and said we have problem...one?

We have about a dozen kids who are not in school way back in San Mateo and there is not room at the school. They can't go anywhere else and they are going to be so far behind their ae group. so Wendy and Pammie and I walked the planks...talked to them about the issue and there are two women who have high school educations who could teach in that little area...we are going to get the lesson plans and books for the different ages and they are going to home school until the fall to try to catch them up. We saw Shirley's garden too - amazing how she can grow anything in the soil...she knows how to make the compost to make the soil that can grow things. We saw how they cook on an open fire of coconut shells. Amazing women.

Ernesto and I took the guests on a tour of the island on Saturday - north and south and went thorugh DFC and San Predito. they had the $15 dollar tour that not many get. We ate at all my favorite restaurants and tried a new pizza place that was really good. Wendy learned that no sooner do I mention a persons name and they show up - really weird. They have experience Kareoke also and Wendy and I sang a lot - our best one is "I love this bar", #2 - mountain music, #3 - delta dawn, #4 - rocky top,#5 - country roads....on and on. I will miss my kareoke partner. Wendy celebrated her birthday last Friday - we had a dinner with friends at Nautica and I had them put a candle in the key lime cheesecake with mango sauce. She even got gifts. they sort f learned to Punta dance...heard about the gringo in belize, had mango mojitos, learned about dirty bananas, learned that eating here takes time...had a few belikins. Ernesto cooked stew chicken, homemade tortillas, cocnut rice and potatoe salad for them. They will be back.

Wendy collected enough money to buy the drums. There will be a trip to the mainland. She also brough money to support the soccer teams. I hope I have some vitamins coming this way by volunteers and visitors as we are out of them.

Pammie uncovered a situation in which two little boys were coming dirty to school - no money coming into a single parent hoem because their dad left. They have not had water for months. I learned a lesson in this situation...Pammie got them two new shirts each so they would not be filthy shirts...one did not have his new shirt on the next day. I asked him why and he said he was saving it. I asked him if they had any food in their house for the weekend - he said yes. When mom cam upon request to talk with me on monday - she said S said you asked him if we had food and he told you yes - i teach my children not to beg or tell what we do not have but we really have no food. Ms. Laura said "kim, when you ask them those questions - they will never tellyou that they do not have food." So what do you do? Just figure they dont and get the food.

some things are nuts you know - I heard a preacher talking about fasting for lent to these children...sorry...just didn't set right with me - they could give up a meal for someone else to eat?? wonder who among use can go from friday noon until monday morning with nothing to eat? just wondering....wendy kept feeling guilty when we were eating at restaurants...

This may be enough for tonight. I am going to try to attach a sermon to my blog that Rev. Ann wrote about the blessing of the house. I can't read it without crying. She has captured the experience much better than I did. I hope it works to attach it. I continue to be amazed at how the people here let me into their lives. I am the one being blessed. Take care, love and miss you all.

Wendy and Pammie are here!

2009-02-17T20:23:00.000-08:00

Yes, Wendy and Pammie have arrived! We went to school today and they both ran the vision tests. They learned that the correct way that you identify a "Z" is to say "Zip". We went on a tour of San Mateo and they are constantly meetin gthe children. Of course they have promised too many that they will buy a bracelet from them....We went to Butch's bar to watch the sky divers and they met Butch and Johnson. Biggs came by to arrange their snorkeling trip - of course he was laying it on thick! Then we went to Lily's to eat. So far they have liked the food and the people. This is the best of the island of course. We are tired and at home and getting ready for another day. Love and miss you all.

san mateo moms

2009-02-15T08:11:00.000-08:00

The San Mateo moms had their first soccer game Friday night. We were told it would start at 6 pm. so in my usual gringo fashion I show up at 6 p.m. along with the two other gringos that are helping with the children's soccer teams. Lynette is a good soccer player from Canada and her husband coaches soccer at a University. They have brought their children here for several months. We get another lesson in "time" around here. The San Mateo moms were all their a little after 6 but the other team did not show up until about 7 pm. No one gets upset - just play ball. This league is a little different. They play on the basketball court that has a dug in place at each end for the soccer goal. This is a very physical game and has a few different rules...like if you kick the ballout of the stadium, there is a penalty kick that is a death wish for the keeper. If you kick it out - you may or may not get your ball back because it is likely that someone will just pick it up and take it...so it is important to not kick it out. Lynette was asked to play and was allowed to start...everyone loved it when she did something good. What an experience for her. It was fun.

Lionel and Elgardo came by my home after school on Friday to give me a valentine's present after they already had sent me cupcakes for valentine's day. Sweet 11 year old boys...Lionel made me a beautiful blue and black beaded necklace with a red heart and Elgardo gave me a wooden fish key chain with Jesus on it. It was Lionel's birthday this week and I had been trying to take him for ice cream but he had to work everyday after school...so we went for ice cream to celebrate his birthday and valentine's day. Ms. Eileen at Dandee's Ice Cream Shop is an awesome woman who looks after many children on the island by talking to them and loving them. The boys got banana splits and even though I usually get one scoop of Soursop ice cream - they were making the hot fudge and whip cream look too good...Ms. Eileen told me I should get the mini sundae and try soursop with hot fudge and marishino cherry sauce and whip cream...oh yeah - now I am really in trouble! It was awesome.

I stopped at Wariguma's to get a shrimp burrito to take home for supper. These burritos are so big that I ate a third of it for supper, a third for lunch yesterday and a third is still left. Gotta love it.

Ernesto brought me a flower arrangement with roses and daisies along with two coffee cups that are very special for Valentine's Day. He is so very thoughtful. Debra called me and it was so good to talk to her. I know it cost money to call me - not like picking up the phone at home and calling each other - and here you think before you dial because it is 50 cents a minute even local - so you only call when necessary and talk one minute to set up where you will meet to talk! Debra even talked to Ernesto.

I laid out in the sun most of the day. I fell asleep at the pool. I had a very relaxing Saturday. Klarisse came to my house and we went to the Mojito Bar for strawberry mjitos and then to a restaurant/bar that is new called Nauticas to check it out. It is upstairs from Fidos. It is very nice and we met a new friend - Ashley who is from North Carolina. She just graduated from college and she told her mom - "I do not have a boyfriend, I do not have any children or husband..I am going somewhere" She got a ticket for 7 weeks in Belize and said if she din't find work she would come home. She is managing Nautica. She is fun and typically southern so Karisse and I liked her right off.

From there we met Martin after he spent the day taking people fishing and BBQ'ing for them. We went to see Robert play at Jambels. Jambel is a name derived from Jamacia and Beliza. I had never eaten there so we decided to eat supper there. I had jerk chicken - very spicy and a lot of food! Ernesto kept trying to get away from work but he couldn't and then he said he was wore out so Martin had two dates. He kept saying I have two dates on Valentine's Day! So far - a great weekend and it is only half through.

I am going to work this morning and then I am going lay out in the sun again. The sky divers are here so I might walk down to coco locos and friar tucks to watch them and see Butch. See what the day brings...

Wendy and Pammie are coming tomorrow. They are taking the water taxi here from Belize City. Pammie is good with it but I think Wendy is like - a water taxi? Wendy called from the UPS store as she was mailing stuff to Belize...the guy at UPS asked her for a street address and a postal code. I said "it is a tiny island - we do not have postal delivery - we go to the post office to get mail - Belize has no postal code." The guy wanted to argue...I said just make sure you write out central america or he will send it to california or canada...even thought it says Belize. So I am excited that they are coming and I will have guests!

I know I have apologized for spelling and typing errors before but now it is even worse...I have to keep retyping and correcting because I find myself typing in Creole - cutting off words - changing the order of words... phrases are in my head now like...
Did you reach? Did you arrive yet?
I reached. I got there.
I dropped. I fell down.
Boom! Done!
You Understand? (We say that a lot because between southern and creole there has to be a lot of - You understand what I say to you? - Good!)

love and miss you all!

valentine's day fun

2009-02-13T20:05:00.000-08:00

good friends

2009-02-12T21:28:00.000-08:00

Ernesto and I hung out with Karisse and Martin tonight. It is so good to be with people who "get" you. When I first met Karisse it was at the Tides. She was sitting at the bar and I was listening to her talk and all I could think of was "Did I have twins that got separated at birth?" She and Amanda are so much alike. She is an awesome person and now she has joined with Martin to make a life together in Belize. They are great together and we laugh and talk and I feel like we could talk about anything - the conversation is perpetual. Martin can tell the funniest stories and we can all see the humor in almost anything. We ate together Tuesday night - Martin cooked fish. We were 6 hours into the night and I had to make myself leave to be able to work the next day. Good friends who can talk about real stuff of life and have your best interest at heart always...I cherish them. It is good to have a girl friend that sees the world like I do...the age difference doesn't even matter.

Karisse, Martin and I have a new friend - well Ernesto's old friend - Robert. He sings - so we listened to his group at Cococuts. Karisse is going to do his CD cover. We have met a new friend through Robert - Sahed. He is from New Jersey - a policeman - He has to leave Saturday to go home - but he just connected with all of us. Ernesto and he are buddies now and I hate to see him go. We have his email though - so now we all have a friend in Jersey! He will be back...

It was hot today. I was drenched before 10 am. More health clinic and dentists...I am still struggling with "D" and "N". One of the volunteers told me that "D" drew here a picture and it was awesome. This child has so much talent. "N" got in trouble in class today and was sent to see me - He is so happy and content to be with me that it dawned on me...I asked him, "Do you just give your teacher a hard time so that you can come to see me?" He said, "Yes". MY, MY, MY - now what? He had no socks today again. Then he started holding his hear and writhing in pain. I was like,,,he is eight years old - what is this? I took him to Dr. Peter and interrupted him with another child. Dr. Peter is so cool - he figured out quick that he had swallowed a piece of candy and it was stuck - cured with a glass of water. I have not had any urge to take care of another child in my home for a long time - but this one is stealing my heart. They were selling valentine cupcakes today. "A" sent me a valentine cupcake...

I had a terrible scare today. I have been asked to counsel a teen from the high school that attempted suicide on Monday night. He keeps not showing up to talk. It was rumored today that he succeeded in killing himself last night. His brother goes to school at HC. I talked to him and found out it was not true, but the attempt was Monday and the 12 year old brother was able to save him. this is all over a girl. The teen was suppose to come today again but did not. This is on my mind.

I ate supper with the volunteer group. I know I have said this already - but these folks are awesome and so committed to the children. I know I have new friends in this group too. Dr. Jim gave me his number to call if I have a child that I can't figure out what may be wrong medically. He told me to say it is Kim from Belize and get him if I call the office. That is the definition of support. They are so much fun. One of the best things here is the meeting of new friends that I will have for life. Great people in a great place...I do miss you all - if I could just have my friends from the states here and teach social work to my students here - life would be perfect. No such thing as perfection though....just a lot of "ifs".

Love and Miss everyone!

We can't have chicken - there are no beans.

2009-02-11T19:26:00.000-08:00

I have often told my social work students that my wish for them is that they can find employment such that when they get up in the morning they are excited to go to work and and during the day they can say "I can't believe they pay me for this - I would do it for free!" Then at the end of the day they know that they spent the day doing something worthwhile. Not everyone can do this in their life - but I am so happy that I have been doing this for years. Now I am somewhere in which I am doing this for free. I love every minute and can't wait to get back to the children when I wake up in the morning.

So much has happened in the last three days. We have been running a health screening for all of the children that includes overall exam - ears, eyes, throat, skelatal, skin, other as needed. We have a pediatrician and a family practitioner and three nurses volunteering from one team plus they have other folks volunteering. There is a lady here that is volunteering and working hard every day in the heat who turned 80 yesterday. The cooks in the kitchen at school made her the best cake ever. We have found a variety of problems. The hardest one for me is that we have 3 children who have scoleosis and I have no idea where to refer them for what they need to have a straight spine. We have one boy who had surgery on his club feet - but no follow up. He wore the worst looking sore on the side of his foot from the brace to the point that about an inch thick callous has formed and part of it looks like a bed sore. No complaints. We have had several cases of scabies, impetigo and ear infections. We have major wax build up in the ears. One child had a broken arm. She was not complaining. I do not even want to try to give a number to the cuts - especially on the feet. Severe athletes foot was also uncovered along with numerous other skin rashes and infected bug bites. We also have two children who have tongues that will not stick out of their mouth and it is affecting their speech. Many children need glasses. So...this seems overwhelming...but the team handled it all and worked togehter so good - keeping a sense of humor and total care for the children.

I am awed by the pediatrician. He has done home visits and seen many babies. You can tell he truly loves the kids and has even treated some moms. He is an excellent diagnostic person as he sees things right off that are signals of something wrong. He and I have covered ourselves in antiseptic - whatever we can use after hugging children with scabies. I am going to learn to use the audiology machine they are donating so I can test hearing next week. We just couldn't do it all.

There are dentists here too. This is hat happens here...the dentist asked me to talk with a mom of two children that have terrible gum disease and problems witht their teeth. Plus they were filthy. I talked with mom and she just sighed heavily and said I try to get them to wash and brush their teeth but it is like they do not care (10 and 11 years. old). She told me that she was a single mom because her husband died - well he left her for a "bar woman" but he was still paying support for the children. The woman left him and then the man came to this mom's home (where his children were) and hung himself on the veranda at 2 am - so I guess they all would find him. She asked me to talk with the children - her son thinks he will do like his dad. There is no one on the island usually to send these kids to for counseling. Then she tells me that she is so embarrased because they have been asked to bring something for the valentine festival party friday and she has no money - not even to feed them. She is trying to get what jobs she can cleaning. She prays everyday that someone will need her services. When she left I was sad and took a moment to compose myself. As I prayed and got myself back together - one of the volunteers came in (a couple who are helping any way they can) and said we have $100 that folks from home sent and asked us to give to a family in need. I know there are so many but should we give it to one or two families and who? I am amazed at how quick God can answer prayer. I told her the story.

It is such a blessing for me and anyone who spends time with these children and families. I gain so many rewards. One of the docs turned to me yesterday and said - You really work hard. How do you do this week after week? I just looked at him as I was thinking "work? How can this be classified as work? I love it so much." Thus my thoughts at the beginning of this blog.

Ok - Linda went in to the kitchen to get the grocery order for today. She thought it was chicken day - so she asked how many chickens did they need. The head cook said "I can't cook chicken - there or no beans." Of course. You can't eat chicken without beans. Apparently, we now have a bean shortage. Now this is not good.

I have not gotten my hair cut and it is a mess - especially in the wind. One little girls came running up to me on the beach walking to school. she said "You're hair is a mess. Of course hers was nicely braided. I said myabe I need braids - She agreed and began to hustle me to allow her mom to braid my hair. She even remembered today and asked me when I was coming as her mom said she would braid my hair.

So, that sums it up. Love and miss ou all, Kim

whew!

2009-02-09T17:26:00.000-08:00

We have two doctors and 3 nurses plus two dentists here. I am in charge of getting children through the dentist and all the children through a health screening. Today we found a child with a spinal problem and two children with problems with their tongues that they can't stick their tongue out of their mouths - speech problems. A few ear problems, a case of scabies, an arm that has been broken and no one has x-rayed...various infected cuts - and other problems. We say all of the infant - I children - I think that is about 80 kids...but not sure. Seeing more kids tomorrow and then going into San Mateo for the well baby checks - home visits. The doctors are great! I talked with "D"s dad. He is very concerned and we need to work on some things. He thinks the child's mom is telling the child to not do his work and act bad so that he will get kicked out of school. she wants him to go to RC school and live with her as she let's this little boy watch her baby. the child just is tormented. We are going to work on this though. He is my potential drummer - I need to find this mom. I made a Belizean style fajita. I think it was good - it is all gone. Had some friends over and it was a relaxing time. I got to talk to Amanda tonight. that was good. I am making it short tonight as I wrote soooo much last night. Love and miss everyone!

Witnessing miracles

2009-02-07T13:55:00.000-08:00

I know I have left you hanging on whether or not I walked the planks or took the boat, but life has been rather busy since I last wrote. I walked the planks. It wasn't impossible because I did not fall off and none of them broke. First thing Friday morning, the mother and child came to the school and did want the priest and I to come to her home. She wanted her home blessed with Holy Water and the evil driven out. The child was still distressed and clinging to her. She was exhausted. While the volunteer who is an Episcopal priest (Ann) was talking with the mom - I had another physical abuse referral of the five year old whose mom twisted his arm the other day. He had a mark on his face - but he said he "dropped" on his bike. Very likely as they live in San Mateo. He had a cut on his knee so it was probably true this time. (Remember this for later.)

We left to walk the long trek back to the far side of the lagoon. We got to the home and mom was so nervous about us seeing her home. It was very clean and orderly. I do need to tell you though that it is one room that is about a 10x10 foot area. It has a bed, a crib, a stove with a butane tank, and a small table. The sheets were clean - everything was in it's place. She showed us pictures of her family and baby pictures of her children. She and her husband and two children live in this home. There was nothing to eat in the home and she said that she just buys what they need to eat so that no roaches or other bugs come into the house. She also said that it is important to feed her children and never lets them go to sleep with empty bellies even if she does not eat anything.

I asked her about the neighborhhood. She told me where different families lived that I know. I asked her if anyone back there was practicing witchcraft and she reluctantly said yes and said 2 people are and her house is between them. Then she told me that they were angry with her because she called the police on another neighbor when the husband was beating on his wife. She thinks they sent the evil to her home and it was affecting her 3 year old. The priest blessed the water through a service and the mom had told us about her grnadmother telling her on her death bed to always read Psalms 81. We read this passage and it was perfect. She took a mangrove branch and dipped it in the water and sprinkled the house, the doorway, the window, the beds, the kitchen and then the little boy and mom. All the time she is talking and explaining what she is doing. Ann was awesome at making the mom feel good about her protection of her child, ability to be a good mom and meet the needs of her children in hard circumstances, etc. The child would not get on the floor of the house and was distressed about being in the house. His face was tortured. When Ann finished blessing the house he seemed to be better and she put her hands on his head and blessed him. The child started singing a song he knew "Thank you God" several verses...his little face became so at peace and calm it was like nothing I have ever seen. We had a little new testament that he held tight to. Then Ann blessed mom but she was just crying such tears of joy. She just hugged us and thanked us and on the way home she told her friends that everything was better. Everyone just shook their heads in acceptance. It was a total blessing to me to be a part of this. I truly witnessed a miracle. I could barely talk about it.

On the way back, there is a little store and I told the mom that we needed to stop at the store. She had gotten light headed on the walk to her home and was more so at the home. I know the experience was overwhelming but I asked her if she had eaten anything and she thought for a moment and said "well, yes - I ate yesterday - I think - but I fed my kids last night" she began trying to explain their finances as her husband works every day but does not get paid much. I gave her $10 belize that I had in my pocket and told her to get something to eat - thinking she would get something to eat right then - but no - she spent $6 BZ on a multi-pak of ramen noodles to take home and tried to give me back the $4. Thinking ahead for supper...probably more than one day.

When I got back to the school yard I was faced with the principal looking for me - the little boy that had the mark on his face? One of the other parents made it her business to tell in the commnity that I looked at his face and talked to him before I left to do the home visit. Well, the little boys mom is not a favorite in the community so I guess everyone knows she abuses the boy - even if this time she didn't. The gossip was a good thing though. I have asked the mom and the little boy about his father. Mom just shrugged and the little boy said he knows his dad but he does not know where he is...The gossip unearthed the dad! Yeah!!! He came to the school from work - he is on the island. Mom's mom was there also...guess they are warring factions. I talked with dad about my concerns. he said mom has not allowed him to see the child. He cared for his son from the time he was " a year and some change" until he was just over three and then the mom wanted him back. He could fight it in court. He wanted to because when he first got the child - the first night - he told him they were going to get ready for bed and the little one (year old) took a shirt that was hanging on the back of a chair and put it in the corner of the room and curled up on it like a dog making his bed. Dad had tears in his eyes and mine were coming too. I am so glad that the gossip allowed me to find this child's dad. I am witnessing miracles over and over.

Every child was given a worm treatment on Friday. Maybe we will have fewer stomach aches for awhile. I counseled a sexually assaulted teen from the high school. I talked with my sexually abused child at the school. Checked on several of the others I am following before the weekend. We did height and weights of all the children to be ready for the medical team coming in. I took the child with the busted ear drum to the doctor for a check up - still a little hole - I got to look at it. Busy day. About noon - Ernesto called and asked me when I got a break...Break? I just held the phone out to the children I was with and said - kids, do I get a break? They all shouted "NO".
I do try to eat lunch every day. I refuse to let anyone interrupt my lunch. It is too good.

I went home with "N" and "D" to talk with their parents. These are the two that we can't get to do their work...beatings, absent moms...well, N's mom said she beats him but can't get him to do what he is suppose to. She told me that he threatened to kill himself to her and told her no one loves him - she whipped him and told him not to say things like that. I cannot describe to you what a loving child he is - smart - playful...on the way to their homes - D said - my step mom isn't home - I said where is she - "working" I said where? "selling food" then I remembered that she sells food around form their home by compadres bar. I said oh but I know where she sells food - D said "she only speaks spanish" - I looked at "N" and said "Can you help me with the spanish?" he said "YES!" I looked at D and said - Your buddy just sold you out! they both just laughed and took my hands and walked with me to their homes. they are precious little boys...I have to buy the drums! They just want to know that you really care. Mr. Cruz joined us as we walked and helped me - I am working on the spanish - actually can understand more and more.

I cannot tell you how tired I was Friday night. Whew! Mr. Vernon's birthday dinner was that night and they served red wine - I had to be so careful - those of you who remember me and red wine when I am tired - not good! We ate at Hamilton's which was wonderful! Then I got up at 6 am to go to Estelle's for breakfast with the volunteer team - I told them I was kidnapping their Priest - and all of them - they were passing the baton to the medical team coming in to work this next week. We will be doing health screening on all 512 children and visiting the babies in San Mateo. I met the docs and nurses - more great people.

We have been sharing stories of how each person came ot volunteer at Holy Cross - I think this is a book - great stories. We could sell it for Holy Cross.

So after breakfast...there was workshop from a NGO in Belize - Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children in Belize. Yep - it is here - I helped to advertise this and we got 62 people to attend. There was one police officer. i asked him - Are you hear by choice or did you want to come? He laughed and said he wanted to come. He is a communty police officer for the schools, etc. I told him he had just become my new best friend. He is following up on my sexual abuse report as no police officer has come to the school yet. He is going to get someone there and come to the school also. He told me that he is watching the same child I am for sexual exploitation. I thought something like that might be going on....

Miss Francis founda pediatric psychiatrist who has moved to the island...I talked to him and he is coming by Tuesday...I hope he can help me with some of these children.

I gave up - nothing but rest and relaxation since then. Karisse and Martin came buy to talk and that was fun - it is great to have friends to hang with - Ernesto came up with a couple of friends. We just all sat on my porch and drank a few beers and laughed and talked. Turns out Robert is a musician and needed a cd cover for his new cd and hooked up with Karisse to get it done. Serindipity! Ernesto, Robert and the new friend(tourist) Sahid, went to Kareoke at Pier Lounge. Yes, now I get requests for Jambayla...I can't believe it either. Ernest sings so good.

I slept until noon today - missed church. Ate BBQ chicken, potatoe salad and rice and beans for lunch - Ermesto brought it to me. I made an egg and soft cheese sandwich for us for supper. He said we are cooking tomorrow night. I hope this does not mean I am on the tortilla station. Now I am going to finish getting the medical screening forms done for tomorrow and go to bed. My hair is getting longer - have just found someone to cut it - maybe. I talked to Ben today and Wendy tonight so that was good. I love to hear from you all. Miss and love ya, Kim

On acceptance - walk the planks or take the boat?

2009-02-05T20:15:00.000-08:00

I have been accepted. I have gained trust. Sometimes I forget that this carries the burden of responsibility. It is like a rare gift that I have to handle with the utmost care in order to not break it. I was met with this today.

First, I was walking through the school to check on several children and "N" came up to me and hugged me hard. He is a 7 year old little boy - (if you are following the blog - he is the little one who had no socks and boots that are a size to small - I gave him new tennis shoes and he put them in his bag so he could act like he got them from home...). He said "Miss Kim- where have you been?" "I said, "N", I have been right here - but I tried to find you yesterday and you were not here" He seemed pleased that I looked for him. Then he said, "but I have been looking for you today and I could not find you." "I stopped and said, "N" Why are you trying to find me? He said, "because , Miss Kim, my stepdad, he just beat me and beat me (showing me how) and he is beating my mom - and it is no good when he beat my mom." I just held him and he just clung to me. I said, "I know - it is not good to be beat." We just sat there awhile. I said "I think it is time for me to talk to them." Before he was afraid for me to talk to them - he did not want me to. There is no use trying to make a report on this - he just has a few marks - like small cuts on his legs, no one would do anything. So...he said "I want you to come home with me tomorrow and talk to them.' I said o.k. Now that he has let me in....the responsibility is great.

Then I made it a few more steps and "A" came up and pulled on my shirt - I looked down and saw it was him. He had a new hair cut and as I was commenting on it - I saw he had a black eye.

The little girl with Impetigo - along with 6 other 5-6 year olds - no one came to get them when school was out today. Finally by 4 p.m. all parents were located. They did not get their children back until they talked with me. We will see what happens tomorrow.

We will also see if the police come tomorrow to talk to the child who was sexually abused. We are also planning on the Poly Clinic coming tomorrow to give a worm treatment to every child. No testing - everyone gets the treatment.

Back to being accepted. Remember the mom who helped me yesterday? She came to the school to get her older child. When I saw her I knew she was distressed. I went to her and her 3 year old was clinging to her. Yesterday he was running and playing and holding my hand as we walked through San Mateo. Today he looked frightened and clung to his mom. I asked her what happened - what is wrong? she said "I need your help. I felt something bad in the house last night - something weird. Then, he woke up at 2 in the morning screaming and saying the crabs were biting him. He has always been a child that sees things - he senses things. He was in pain and trying to get them off of him - he was awake - not dreaming and I took him out of the house. But every time I try to take him back in he starts screaming and shaking. I gave him the Bible to hold and he threw it - then I knew. It was a bad spirit. He does not act like this. There is somethng bad in my house." I asked, What can I do?" She said, "I need some Holy Water - does the school have any Holy Water?" I said, "I don't know". So I asked. Well, the answer was "we can get some, but it will have to be by tomorrow, the priest has to bless it - but we have a priest here" Ok - the priest is from the US - a volunteer. The other moms were around by this time and looking to me to help her. So, this mom lives across the lagoon in the place I can't get to by the planks - I can take a boat - now the boat is a canoe - and of course there are crocs in the lagoon. I think the planks....The group of moms were trying to get another priest who could come this afternoon with Holy Water to bless the house and drive out the evil spirits. I know that another belief is to hang garlic over the door and to cover the mirrors at night. I asked her what she has done. She said she looked everywhere to see if it was something for real biting him and she washed the sheets and cleaned but he is still not able to go into the house. The mirrors are covered - no to the garlic. But another mom said the garlic will keep them away but it is already there. When she said she was headed home - the child heard her say it and he about went into convulsions screaming "the crab are biting me" No - a scream like you have never heard and holding his mom so tight. Ok - the priest said she would go to the home with the Holy Water and bless the house. Planks or boat?

It is a very different world. I walked by the pool on the way home and everyone is lounging in the sun and I am just thinking. I hear the tourists talking about where they are going ot eat tonight and how crazy they got on rum last night. I see the couples leisurely strolling down the beach. I am becoming one of those people here that criticize the tourist driving of the golf carts and how they don't know how to walk down the street to stay out of the way of traffic. I go to local food places and bars. I eat a lot of beans and rice and tortillas and stew chicken and fish. I go to central park at night to make sure the kids go home at curfew. Ernesto says - everyone knows who I am. I can go to any neighborhood on the island and find my way to homes with no addresses. Life is different as I am no longer a tourist. I love this place even more than when I was a tourist. I am thinking...the tourists are missing the best part of this island. I am reminded of a line from my favorite hymn. "the love we share as we tarry there - none other has ever known." I think I will tarry here awhile - I feel God's love wherever I go - anywhere in the world - but I feel like I can share love here in way like no other place I know - as of yet.

Much love to everyone. Miss you all.

San Mateo

2009-02-04T20:25:00.000-08:00

I went into San Mateo after school today to try to locate the babies who are under 1 year old. Mr. Cruz and a mom from the school helped me to locate them and helped me with translating into Spanish. I found several babies and moms, but about three mothers would not come to the door. They are afraid, I guess, as they are probably not legally in the country. I am always saddened when I travel through this community. There are some homes that I cannot reach because the planks leading ot their homes are so unsafe. Yet, the children travel across these every day. I do not know how I am going to get the pediatrician who wants to do home visits into these houses. I think he is going to have to see some of the babies at the school. There is no way I can chance walking across the rotten planks. I was not the balance beam pro in the family...plus I weigh too much. Mr. Cruz was so protective of me. He walked ahead to make sure the planks were safe and then made me step where he did.

For those of you who are reading and do not know what I am talking about...This area is where the school is and many residents do not have water, electricity and no one has a sewage system. So the lagoon that is under the homes is sewage. The planks are built over this nasty water. The is garbage everywhere. The homes are put together for the most part with whatever they can find for building materials. Some homes have curtains for doors. Many homes have no windows and few have screens if they have windows. Many are very small - 10 x 10 foot rooms with little furniture. There may be 10 people living in one of these tiny homes. I can't see how anyone is safe from predators - especially the two-legged kind. The only thing is to get to some of these homes is impossible in the dark. Walk that plank in the dark? - not me. There are a lot of mean dogs in the neighborhood too. I do not even ask if the dog bites - just know it will.

The mom that was helping me is an interesting person. She is trying ot get the other moms to trust me. She came to me this morning and asked me to help several of the moms organize their own soccer team. I think we will start with the soccer team and then we are going to work on a women's coalition and I think this will be a start for the "eye on the child" project Susan and I want to initiate here. All in time...this communtiy organization work is fun but earning trust requires so much patience. I understand the wariness of people here. I am sure they do not understand anyone trying to help them. The school itself does so much more for them and their children than they have ever known. In a culture of survival and oppression it is the norm for people to be suspicious of outsiders. I am reminded of the book "When Invisible Children Sing". This was about a doctor's work in Bolivia. He worked with street children. He had to learn the lesson of letting the children come to him - just be there. I know this is the way - the mother's are starting to come to me little by little. (They even said I could play on there soccer team if I wanted to - I laughed and said "do I look like a soccer player? I will be your biggest fan!"

I am trying very hard to organize eveyrthing for the doctors who will be here next week. We are going to do a health screening on every child. It is an awesome task to come up with the record system and follwo-up that will be needed. It is coming along though. I wish I had more skills at writing programs in the computer. I have a man helping though who is volunteering this week.

The decisons we make

2009-02-03T18:19:00.000-08:00

So much has happened since I last wrote. Something was wrong and I could not get ont he internet from my home...this is normal around here...no panic - just wait...Adagio...go slow.

I have bad news. Jean Paul, the man who led diving groups at the Tides has been killed. It happened Friday night but I did not hear until Saturday evening. I could not believe it. His body was found 19 miles north of san pedro - just south of Rocky Point. I went to the Tides Saturda night and helped Sabrina set up for the wake but I did not stay for the wake. She was so upset as was everyone. I was so sad. He has two children and his son is at Holy Cross. He always had a smile and gave so much joy to those around him. You could not be unhappy around him. As the days have gone by, the story has been slowly revealed...bu we do not know everything. The police shot one man and another got away - they were in a boat coming from the direction of Rocky Point and pulled a gun on the police when asked to stop. Then today - two more men were found in a grave close to where Jean Paul's body was found. The news said that it may be all related to the cocaine found last week. If it is all I can think of is how bad decisons affect so many lives. Jean Paul will be missed by his children, wife, family and friends. I do not know why he was there - but this whole thing is really sad. Please do not think this makes things unsafe around here. This is happening due to some bad choices by a few people and it is a long ways from here - where I am on the island. Nothing like Memphis or Jackson!

I have thought a lot about the decisions I have made and those around me have made. Some of the children I work with make poor decisions as do their parents. We all make poor decisions at times. I just wonder why - when we are faced with possible terrible consequences do we make a choice that will lead to our own unhappiness or downfall or the unhappiness or destruction of other lives? It is truly one of those human nature "things". It is a lot easier to see other's poor decisons that it is so see our own...at least at the time we make them. I guess this is so obvious that I should not even be writing it - just on my mind.

I have been working on the sexual abuse case. I am having to advocate for this child. The parents are great - but I am having to write my report and have discussions with them in spanish...that means a translator. I keep having this experience of a parent talking for 5 minutes in Spanish and the translator saying "He said "no". Maybe not that severe - but close. Ernesto is worried about me. I am taking this very slow and being very aware that I am in a different country with different rules and ways...but gotta call it like it is...I gave the child's dad my phone number to call and tell if I had the report correct. He called to tell me it was good. Then I got a text from the little girl last night. It said "This is ******. thank you miss kim. I love you." She is nine years old. Oh yes, I am sure that it is all worth it. I went to the police department yesterday afternoon and sat for an hour and then got told that I couldn't make a report? I asked to speak to the detective and was told to come back this morning....so - I was there at 8 a.m. granted they were discovering more bodies up north but...I was acknowledged but waited until 10:30 a.m. before anyone said anything else. Again Adagio....go slow...I think they thought I would leave...but I kept thinking of that text....Decisions - I would have stayed all day.

I have a medical team coming next week. Some of the other church members are here this week so we are trying to plan for doing health screenings on each child next week and the pediatrician wants to go into San Mateo to see the infants. I have one of the mom's of San Mateo (who first told me when they see me they hide because I am a social worker and they are afraid I will take their children) tell me that she would distribute flyers for me to the mom's of infants and then help me find their homes. I thought that was great...I am gaining acceptance in the community. Beatrice is helping me too.

I had a domestic violence case last week. Not sure if I blogged on this before - a 12 year old boy came to school crying and upset. His mom is pregnant and her boyfriend is beating on her. She has been in the country for 15 years. She came from Guatamala when she was 10 years old. She came with "someone" who was not family. she had her first child when she was 13 yrs. old (this is the 12 year old now). She has had two Belizean children. this abuser told her he would have her deported if she went to the police about him. He has beat her and caused two previous miscarriages. the 12 year old in attempt to protect mom has been hurt in the past. I want to help her get her papers but she is so afraid she will be sent back and wants her children to get an education at Holy Cross. They had no food for the weekend and no way to acquire any. This was hard on me - I cannot imagine being 25 years old with all of this to deal with in life. Try to deal with this with no domestic violence shelters - no women's advocacy groups - no victim advocate- when the police came - they wanted my information - including birthday. why? One of those great Friday afternoon situations....that is the same no matter where you are.

Oh and another thing...two weeks in a row. I have had a DHS social worker from the mainland come to the school after 3 pm on a Friday (kids leave school at 3 pm) to ask me about a child that I did not even know they had a case on and when the child has gone from school of course - ask me to interview, etc....ok - I am thinking there is something up with this - am I just looking for problems??? Are they wanting to be in San Pedro on a Friday night - weekend? Hmmmmnnnn.
Maybe a coincidence. Decisons we make.

Ernesto and I went to Marlin's and then Butch's on sunday afternoon. I had talked to them all during the finding out about Jean Paul. I also saw Martin and Clarise finally - hate that it was at the wake. they left me a note today on my door to come see them later this week. It will be good to reconnect with them. Talk about decisons - Clarise just decided to move down here and live with Martin. wow. she is able to work from her computer. they are very happy.

Ms. Francis asked me yesterday about 10 a.m. to do a workshop that same afternoon on teambuilding...and teamwork among the staff and teachers - glad I already had material in my head as I accomplished it with no prep. those always seem to be my better workshops.

Ok - i tried to make my own tortillas totally by myself. This caused a great deal of laughter at the grocery store. since I went back three times for more flour - I was buying it a pound at a time as it takes a pound for about 10 tortillas. It took a few tries...Ernesto was kind and ate them but they do have room for improvement. I was trying to make the whole meal but Ernesto said if he let me make the whole thing we would be eating at 9:30 and he was hungry. He helped - got done at 7:30 but the tortillas....I told him I should get and A for effort and he informed me that I get an E for effort. the stew chicken was good. I learned that you can make it taste totally different by using a varied spice grouping...have I told you that they have this spice called Ricardo? good stuff. more decisions...what to put in the stew chicken.....

I know the Jerry Jeff Walker fans help the economy. They are messing up my routine. They take over Wet Willies so no Kareoke on sunday and no Taco Tuesday for two weeks!

Kelly McQuire is here next week? He is doing all kinds of concerts in different places.

I am glad that I made the decison to do my sabbatical here. I am learning so much and growing in my skills and cultural responsiveness abilities. The children are taking my heart and filling it up with love. I am meeting new friends. Awesome passionate people are throughout this country and come to work and help at the school every day. Ernesto is a great person and we have the best times. We have had a few times that we had to have hard discussions but the awesome thing is that we could talk things through pretty easily. Every decision though has some problems. I hate that I am not there when my friends and family may need me. I am so sorry that I am not there for Debra and Winston as Winston's dad just died. I heard that Ashley's uncle has died. I wish I could be with my friend Sherry as she battles cancer. The department is struggling with budget cuts. My students are good to email me and support me but I am not there to support them. I also miss the joys of my friends, students and family. Do not think that this decision was easy and every day I miss you all and think about you. I keep you in my prayers. Please keep me in yours. Lots of Love to all!

do we need some nachos?

2009-01-28T16:02:00.000-08:00

Yes, I did need some nachos today. It is funny how when I need nachos, I need nachos! I went to school this morning and worked very hard to be able to take off by 1 p.m. to go to immigration to deal with my work permit and visa (more on that later). I have been eating oatmeal every morning - so by noon, I am starving. I missed lunch trying to get stuff done (more on that later too). I was walking down the beach and the sun is blazing hot today - little breeze and it is like a sauna after all the rain. I was parched and very hungry. I got to the internet surf shop and kimberly came outside. I told her - "I need nachos." I got the biggest plate of nachos I have ever seen. I ate it for lunch, gave some to Ernesto when he came by awhile ago, and still had enough for supper. I have not talked about drinking lime juice...it is the best for what ails you. Really - stomach ache, dehydration, hangover...good stuff. So lime juice and nachos for refueling....

Today at school - I walked in the door and did not even get my coffee before "F" was brought in by his teacher - age 5 yrs. - already had a discussion with his mom about not having him come to school or go home through san mateo by himself. She has had one disabled child removed from her home that she targeted with abuse and neglect...now she has turned on "F". He comes to school late and hungry and missed breakfast at school as he is late. So this morning - he is crying his little eyes out - just sobbing. He finally tells me that his mom twisted his arm hard - he showed me on my arm - and jerked him around awhile this morning. He had no breakfast - missed it at school. His arm is so little as he is so skinny. Luckily it wasn't dislocated or broken. I wanted to go twist her arm or more....I didn't find her - she was MIA from home this morning - but I will find her. We went to the kitchen and Ms. Rosalia found him a biscuit and juice. When I walked him back to class he just clung to me...he cheered up and went to class - the resilence of these children is awesome - just a little attention and they are good to go - ususally.

I had a break through or divine intervention with the little boy I talked about yesterday that I can't seem to reach. Let's call him "D" as I am sure that he will appear again. D was sitting alone at the picnic table next to his classroom - just looking sad and staring into space like usual. I just sat down across from him and said oh...D...what makes you so sad? (knowing it is his mother - or lack of - and his worry about her). He just shrugged and said nothing. I told him that I care that he is sad. Still just nothing. So I just sat there with him in silence. Then I don't know why but I started drumming on the table with my hands - the cadance from when i was in the marching band and played the drum (family members from Papillion will know the beat). He perked up and said "do that again". So I did. He said "teach me that." so we took it slow and I taught it to him. He actually smiled...then another little boy "J" (the one that his dad was getting on to him for perfection - #1 in his class - that dad told him he was proud, etc?) anyway, "J" came and sat down where we were drumming on the table and began to drum - only "j" can drum like the garifuna drumming - quite well. I was impressed. I asked the boys if they like drumming - they just lit up. then Mr. Cruz came by and got interested in our drumming - he can drum and played a tune on the table and sang a song to it - a gospel song. I asked the boys - would you like to do drumming after school? D was excited as was J. I told D - "If I can find some drums and someone to teach us - would you do your work every day? he just shook his head yes. I said "really D, if you do not do your work you can't come to drumming" He said "I would do my work to do drumming." Ok - now I have to find some drums - garifuna - hand made drums - and a teacher. I think we will have standard I drummers - I have about 12 boys from standard I on my case load. Divine intervention...now to convince Ms. Francis....

One stomach ache after another today again - no other symptoms. Francis told me to go gather up all the stomach achy kids and take them to the poly clinic - well...not going to happen...over 200 or more hurting today? so I called the Poly clinic and asked them to please come to the school and give the worm treatment to every child. The are coming a week from Friday. Argh. at least they are coming. The nurse said maybe we need to have the inspector check the water where they live...you think? they live in san mateo. hello. this deserves a "whatever..." then what? tell them they live in unsanitary conditions? - there is no water to most homes and no sewage system except to dump sewage in the water under their homes...I guess I have said that more than one time. I am very happy that the can come and treat the kids.

The 4 heathens want to have drama practice tomorrow after school. They say they have this play worked out. We will see the preliminary product tomorrow. They always want stuff from my office. today it was the star stickers...I had some t-shirts I found laying around that someone donated and they had a fit over them. One said you know I didn't get a birthday or Christmas present and I thought she was playing me but the others said no she didn't her mom doesn't believe in Christmas and anyway - her mom left her and her dad was too poor. I know they are very poor and her dad is trying his best. Her sister was back in my office today too. she is another hard one - she just shuts down and stares at me. We just hang until she feels like she can handle class again.

I got my visa. The process...I was told to fill out a multi-page form that I had to buy from the only stationery store here that sells them. ( This involves tracking down the form...) I had to have 4 passport photos ready. I got to the immigration office and there was a long line. I said "ok - first timer - what is the protocol?'...I was told where the end of the line was. Wait, wait, wait....one at a time...then it is my turn. I go in and tell the "one" lady - that I am volunteering for 5 months at Holy Cross. She says I have to wait for the man behind the wall and he is busy - so go back out and wait. When the man gets done - (he didn't have anyone leave his office) she goes in to ask him about me and he tells her that i do not need the work permit - that is only if i am here for a year. Just do the renewal of my visa every 30 days. I called this office to ask in the first place) - then she tells me that I am too early that I could come on Feb. 1 as I came to San Pedro on jan.2. Ok - Feb. 1st is sunday. today is January 28th - If I go on Feb. 2 I am too late. Two days and she wants me to come back on Friday. She is arguing because I will loose two days. I have already lost my afternoon of time. I finally convince her that I will just loose the two days. I gave her $50 BZ and I can stay another 30 days. Francis is not going to be happy as she said that if I had a work permit it would be better - she thinks I am probably going to piss off some public officials before long...why would she think that? :o)

Biggs came by awhile ago. He is getting tourists to go snorkeling with his hew job. He has been busy. Ernesto came by but he is working tonight on making sure the RO? system is ok - where he works they have their own salt water to usuable water system. then he called and he was working on a boat. I was going to take some Canadian friends I met on a tour of the island in their golf cart - let them meet Butch and Marlin but she got sick with the stomach crud or maybe to much partying with Jerry Jeff Walker last night. We didn't go. I am going to sleep early. The sun wore me out today.

Ben- I have been listening to my colt ford music...love it - especially meet me at the waffle house and there ain't no trash in my trailer - all his songs bring me back to mississippi. Rap and country together- if you ain't into that - i don't give a damn! (that is one of his lines for those of you who have not been introduced) loud, proud and country by the grace of God...I know amanda is going - please - no! David - did the ice storm hit you?

Love ya and miss ya!

welcome to my world

2009-01-27T20:47:00.000-08:00

I talked with the dad and mom of the sexually abused child today. they only spoke spanish. therefore i had to ask Mr. Cruz to interpret for me. He is the soccer coach and security guard but he is really good with the children. I have noticed that he has a genuine heart for the children who come from rough homes and he has that innate knowledge of when a child is troubled or in trouble. I can't talk about the situation with the child due to confidentiality but when it was over, tough Mr. Cruz just sat there after the parents left. (I did warn him prior to the conversation.) The parents are great parents and want to protect their child. It is just a rough situaiton. Anyway, I looked at Mr. Cruz and said..."welcome to my world"...he said, "miss kim, now i know why you sometimes look sad. you always come in to school with a big smile but then i see you during the day and at times you look so sad and then you are smiling again soon. now I know why you get sad, but how do you smile again?" i just told him i have to for the children - they depend on someone bringing happiness into to their lives and to let them know there is hope. I told him that he does that for them too - everyone here does. they just have to know someone cares even if we can't make it all better for them. We had a long talk about his own life. I knew it had to be hard because he tunes in so well. He did really good with the dad too. I wish he would go back to school for social work.

I cannot describe the feeling of walking to school in the morning and the children coming up to me to hold my hand and saying good morning, miss kim. they look so happy to see me and i am happy to see them. some of you have asked in emails if the boy who missed school is back. yes, he is and he is one that runs to hold my hand coming into school in the morning. I have a tough one in second grade (standard I - here). He just will not do his work. His mom left him and is with a step dad that is now in prison for drugs. he is with his dad but i just can't get a handle on what is going on - he has a tiny framed little 5 year old sister that just wants to go to the bathroom all the time but i can't tell what is going on - she just does't want to be in class it seems. I just can't reach this child and neither can one of the very best teachers. i need to spend more time with him.

My 4 little heathens...the group that i want to do a drama with? they have taken to making me things. I have a sparkly belize map with all their names on it. I have a cereal box that is cut up for a cardboard backing with tiny red construction paper hearts on it and now today they gave me what i think is suppose to be coasters. it is construction paper of different colors and there is a weave of strips of paper - there are 6 of these each about 3x4 inches. they proudly gave me these today. Oh - if anyone would like to send something for them - they love the shaped post-it note pads - like hearts or flowers. i had some in my office - no more though and now they want my star stickers! they just want me to give them something all the time but then they give me stuff they make. Ms. Francis is beside herself about these four as they come in one group to the office looking for me - she calls them my 4 wild ones. Well, they started talking serious instead of goofing off and i was told of all kinds of physical and verbal abuse that they each have sustained by various caregivers. They can really put some awful words together to tell what someone has yelled at them while hitting them. wonder why they are the problems? the other cool thing - these four were the outcasts - now the other children want to be in their play and the four are deciding who can be in their play...we are going to talk about inclusion tomorrow...that my friends is called the ole switcheroo...you just never know what will work do you?

and what else...another trip to the poly clinic...one of my old friends...a little jewelry seller came in with a stomach ache - pepto didn't do it...weird pains with no other symptoms - he is from san mateo so my guess was worms and i was right. we had more weird stomach aches today so i think it is time to worm everyone...i am told that i should be included - just lovely.

i am so afraid of the skin rashes the children get from getting the water around their homes on their skin. Remember there is no sewage system in san mateo. the rash is one thing but if they have a cut it will get into their system. One little girl died last year from this - i have yet to determine what it is - maybe i forget to look it up and find out on purpose? i will find out tomorrow - not before i go to bed tonight.

on a lighter note - the jerry jeff fans are in full swing tonight - i wanted to go to taco tuesday at wet willy's - couldn't because jerry jeff is playing and singing...they are all excited. i can hear it from my front patio.

another thing i love about san pedro - you can't walk far without hearing music. and another thing - i got told 3 times today that i could not have children as old as they are as I am only in my 30's! gotta love it. i also got told that my ex husbands made big mistakes and surely they know now how big their mistakes where to let me go...how much better can it get? that wasn't ernesto either. he bought me a cheesburger as i was working on the computer - love and miss you all!

More rain

2009-01-27T06:59:00.000-08:00

The rains started Sunday night again and are continuing. The roads are such a mess. I am at school and just getting into my day. I am trying to write for a grant that is sponsored by the Rotary club of Belize. I am going to try to get funding for a full time social worker at the school. Then I am going to work on the bigger grant for the Health Outpost. I have a full day planned with children and parents coming in. That is about it - going to enjoy my Belizean coffee before I start...oh and I have learned to make my own flour tortillas and curry chicken (with vegetables that I can't even pronounce - something like chocho and coco - I don't know - I need to get people to write it down). Have a great day! love and miss you!

Ahhhhh Sunday!

2009-01-25T15:11:00.000-08:00

I did nothing. I woke up at 10 a.m. So I did not make it to church - just wanted a totally nothing day. Well, I sat by the pool and I am about to go get BBQ chicken. The Jerry Jeff fans are here and I met new friends who are here for Jerry Jeff (they are from Canada at the pool. Hooked them up with Biggs for snorkeling. I should get a commission. Just kidding. I am rested so I am going to Kareoke at Wet Willy's for a little while before I start the new week. I have not had a beer or other alcohol in two days. I say that as I know you all think I am down here partying it up. I am not and I feel great now that I have slept a lot and rested. Ready for whatever the other life brings....smile.

When I looked at my blog from last night - whew...you can tell when I am so tired - lots of spelling and typing errors - sorry - just keep writing untill I am totally faded. I think listening to Creole constantly is rubbing off on me. I find myself thinking in Creole and I am trying to learn Spanish. Another perk about Kareoke is they sing a lot in Spanish and I can watch the words and ask what it means.

love and miss you all.

Banana splits...

2009-01-24T21:25:00.000-08:00

I took the kids to dandee's for ice cream. they hit me up for banana splits. Ms. Eileen at the ice cream store said -Kim, you really do not have to get them banana splits...but they talked by into it - I told them that they had to be good for a month! Set me back on my cash flow!! Here is the cool thing...I really did not know what I was going to do with them - they just fight with each other all the time and blame each other, etc. I told them my idea for the play since they are all "dramatic". I asked them while we were eating ice cream if they thought of the theme for the play that they are going to write. They said yes - we are going to write about us and how we didn't like each other but how we are getting to be friends now. I asked them who was the best writer...they began to show me who printed the best...they decided to include another troublesome classmate in their group because he can draw and they need someone to help with the scenery. They got together today - saturday - to work on it. Time will tell....we had fun at the ice cream store...oh i left off a part. I was at the soccer game - way across town (I know that isn't far by some standards, but when you are walking it is) at the big soccer field by the DFC. I told the "4" that I would be at Dandee's at 4:30. The soccer game was just about over - 4 p.m. and I look up and the "4" have talked some random tourist couple into taking them to the soccer game in their golf cart. These two people had just got to the island... first time...they didn't have a clue where they were. I walked up and they said "we had to bring them to Miss Kim - just had to meet you..." I just rolled my eyes at the little heathens...then they got the couple to take them back to the ice cream store!

The fundraiser was a success. Lots of people and Mr. Vernon was auctioning shots of some 30 yer old rum or something...had a raffle and cover charge for the concert. Pictures with Jill Holly - yes, we charged for that too! We made some money for the school. Whatever it takes...it costs $700 us dollars a day for the feeding program.

By the way...anyone who is coming or has a way to help...we need soccer shoes, shin guards, sponsor for shirts...we only have nine on everything and the shoes do not fit - when we put in subs they have to change shirts, shoes, etc. so we do not have all our players on the field. We are trying to get a girls team together too.

I went to the school today to meet with Ms. Leslie, the director of all the anglican schools in Belize, and the counselor from the other anglican schools on the mainland - there are 20 all together. They want me to come to the mainland to do a workshop - train the trainer type - for teachers re: identification of abuse, neglect and sexual abuse and work with the teachers on how to work with the kids. So I will be doing that in February sometime.

I went to town for awhile. I went to see Marlin's wife and children. I talked with the local residents of Paradise Villas - when asked what they were doing they said "nothing and plan to do more of it!" I took a nap! Then I went to see the Danville, CA group as they are leaving tomorrow. I am going to miss them - they were so much help!!!! Oh an ran in to Biggs and he is changing jobs to work with someone to lead snorkeling and tours - boat is at fido's dock I think. I have not seen Marlin or Butch in a week. I just can't get to where they are - I really should get a bike. Johnson walked me home one day and stayed to talk for awhile.

I am going to start squeezing my own orange juice i guess...everyone thinks I am wasting money buying it...I am also suppose to learn how to make my own flour tortillas. I got some tamales from town for supper. then I made the famous grilled white cheese sandwich for a snack a while ago - susan knows what I am tlaking about...anyone who comes will find out! I think I am going to rest tomorrow. I am going to tr to get to church but I need more sleep right now. There was a politcal rally for the UPD local elections in central park tonight. I could here it! Next week they are having a cool thing - Taste of San Pedro and all the restaurants will have a booth and ou can go around and sample. think I will probably make that one! and jerry jeff walker will be here next week....so his followers are coming in....

They found many kilos of cocaine on the beach by Palapa bar this week. For those of you who do not know - when the columbian ships are about to get caught they throw it overboard and it washes up on the beach. Each manufacturer has it's own "mark" - so if anyone keeps it and tries to sell it - the producers will find them - it is much safer to turn it over to the police - but this does not always happen. therefore we have a cocaine problem.

I hve spent some time in San Perdito - I like that community. Many hard working folks.

Social services has yet to call me back on my sexual abuse case...since thursday. try again on Monday - I left two messages. They have to come from the mainland.

I am going to sleep now...yes ernesto is still around....he went to sleep early as we Kareoked last night until tooo late and then ate hamburgers and hot dogs in central park. this requries talking to everyone and i could barely make it through today. thus the nap and why I am not out on a Saturday night. Ernesto was going to enter a punta dance contest tonight - but didn't make it and no - i was not planning on being the dance partner - he wanted to win. My body does not shake like that!

love and miss y'all

Life is good!

2009-01-22T16:09:00.000-08:00

I have had some very busy days at school. A team with a dentist was here this week along with 10 volunteers from Danville, California. They were all awesome people! I wish they could all just stay. I needed to be at school at 8 a.m. to help the dentist get students in line for work on their teeth. One thing that blew my mind was that we were allowing the oldest children to go first and we got through Standard 5 and some of Standard 6, well the younger children kept coming up to me and begging to go to the dentist. They might have a loose tooth - normal...and say "miss kim, I need to see the dentist!" We have another dentist coming in February, thank goodness - i could tell them that because they were so disappointed that they could not see the dentist today or tomorrow.

I had several cases of physical abuse and one sexual abuse case today.

Last night I had a meeting at El Fagon. The people from Danville organized it with the Wilsons and the Cullins. The representative said that World Bank is donating money to fill in San Mateo and do something about water, electricity and a sewage system. It will be an answer to many prayers. The sewage is causing more and more health problems. One child died last year when they had an open cut and got in the lagoon water in San Mateo.

There is another fund raiser for the school tomorrow night at Wet Willy's. Tomorrow includes a soccer game at 2:30 and I am suppose to reward 4 of my toughest kids with ice cream if they make it through tomorrow without fighting with each other. I am trying to figure out what to do with all their creativity, energy, and manipulative, con-artist, comedian selves. i am thinking about having them do a play that they write. I already have taken away their free period and they have to talk to me as a group everyday.

Ernesto is cooking and showing me how to cook Stew Chicken and coconut rice and fried plantain. I am not tired tonight. I think I am getting used to it! love and miss you all!

Whatever the other life brings...

2009-01-19T20:56:00.000-08:00

Quick - this line is from what song? no - I won't tell you - 10 points to the first person who writes me back and has it right! I don't know why that popped in my head. As I said before - don't plan anything in Belize especially if you are working at Holy Cross school. I feel like this - I am after whatever the other life brings - I better be because every day here feels like another life.

I got to school this morning after my very long walk down the beach and found that I was in charge of channeling the children through the dentist who is volunteering this week. There is a team their to offer dental services and another team of 10 folks from Danville, California. Both groups did a lot of work today! The group from Danville has four professors (biology, chemistry, physics and chemistry) among others with lots of talents! Everyone is tring to get our new library organized. Carol (from Penguinos) is going to volunteer to be the librarian for awhile. Anyway, all that thinking ahead from last night - forget it.

I did check on the children from last week in between getting children for the dentist. All is well with most of them. Remember the one who needed shoes? We had some new shoes brought in by the new group. We found a pair to fit him. He came in the office and tried them on and said he liked them. He left with them on...a little while later I was in his classroom and he had his old shoes on. I leaned down and whispered "why do you not have your new shoes on? do you not like them?" He looked down and whispered back "I want to wear them new in the morning. I love my new shoes." I told him that was a good idea. He looked so happy. He also told me he got beat this weekend. I didn't find any marks though. He is so little.

Another little boy that I am worried about did not come to school again today. If I can tear away tomorrow, I have to find him. Another little girl's mom has left for the states and she is always pulling the silent defiance bit on the teacher. Of course she said that she does not miss her mom - as her eyes were welling up with tears - but she did not let the tears fall and got it together very quickly - not thinking I could tell anything was wrong. One little boy (5 years) is having problems falling down and also has problems learning. I asked him to walk across the room to me and when he got there he just fell into hugging me - reward for me! I could go on but won't. I am tired and need to be at the school at 8:00 a.m. love y'all,

and whoops I forgot to make you jealous - I ate fish at the Reef tonight! guess they know me now for sure - I walked in and they had my coconut rum and pine ready for me by the time I reached the table. You won't believe me but that is my second rum drink since I have been here -both at the Reef - When I got here and the guys at the reef found out that i would be here for five months - they bought a big bottle of cococut rum! I better get there more often, eh?

The start of a new week...

2009-01-18T20:42:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here thinking aobut the next week. This is totally not what you should do in Belize. Just get up tomorrow and see what the day will bring. I have been doing this - mostly because whatever I have planned seems to get put on the back burner anyway. I want to go throughout the neighborhood and map out the homes and try to tell who is living where and find the preschoolers and babies. I need to follow up on the 20 children from last week. I want to get organized. I need to go find my missing child from Friday if he is not at school tomorrow. Ok - i will stop.

I went to the Holy Cross church service today. The children sang - "this is the day that the Lord has made" sounds even better in Spanish. Then we went to Rendevous restaurant on the north side of the island to a benefit concert by Jill Holly. Just a singer-songwriter that was coming to Belize and decided to do a concert for the school while she was here. It was relaxing and fun. I ate BBQ chicken, slaw, beans and tortillas from the stand by Richies. I love sunday as everyone has bbq chicken for sale - street vendors are the best...did i mention that all that food was $4.50 US?

The sun is shining!!!!!! I actually laid out by the pool for about an hour. I do not even have a tan yet!

Pray for me and the children and the school. Love y'all, Kim

It is Friday!

2009-01-16T15:43:00.000-08:00

I am alone. Susan left today. I cried. I began walking to the school and got to the Tides and I was so sad and it started pouring down rain. I stopped to see my friends at the Tides and have a cup of coffee to wait for the rain to quit pouring down in sheets. Before it quit raining, the school called and a little girl had a perferated ear drum that was bleeding and they had Mr. victor (my favorite cab driver) bring her to me and we went to the Poly clinic. No doctors at the poly clinic today...so we went to Dr. Lerida. She had such a bad middle ear infection for so long that it busted her ear drum. I do not know how painful that was for her and she never said anything until it was bleeding. Her mom knew and did not do anything - just sent her to school. I got the medicine and found where her mom lived and took her to her to tell her what was wrong with her and that if she did not take the medicine that she could loose her hearing. Mom was thankful and I told her she would go back to the doctor in two weeks and mom was going with me next time. I went back to the school and then again it was one child after another. One had no socks and shoes that were so small that he kept taking them off in class. This is the same boy her just fell in my arms crying yesterday when I asked what was he thinking about when he didn't do his work in class. I told him today (after i got socks...still going to find shoes...we didn't have any his size...going tomorrow to the second hand shop to see if I can find some) that if he did his work I would get him a surprise. He did his work and I gave him a matchbox car. I have a friend for life. I had another little boy who wet his pants three times in a row and they were just giving him new underwear and sending him back to class. Mr. Cruz (our wonderful security guard) brought him to me and said "Kim, the teacher has changed his pants 3 times and I found him crying in the bathroom" - I talked to him and he said he didn't know when he had to go and it hurt him when he did go...back to find another doctor. I got his mom on the way to Dr. Dan's (who said he would see him for $10) and the child had such a terrible bladder infection - he had not even told his mom. These kids just suffer with pain and do not even tell any one because why? I do not know why...but I think because no one hears them cry.

I have settled fights, dealt with children stealing, tried to figure out what is causing the learning problems, had more than I want to think about children crying in my arms, and so many of the children say something is wrong or someone is hurting them but will not tell me what or who. I am having lessons in gaining trust. I am so touched by the resilence of these children. They are so tough. Everytime they get in trouble - they are so afraid to tell their parents - they will get a lashing. They have so many scars and bruises on the outside and every one of them say...i fell on a rock in the ocean. I know they know not to tell. They love their school and I think it is the only place they feel safe and like someone cares for them. I have a 7 year old whose mom won't come and get him and he lies and says she meets him at the bridge - i waited forty minutes for her to come "across the bridge" and then took him back to school - she came 1.5 hours late. I think because he didn't come home. Today he didn't come to school.

Not all the children are like this - there are many more very wonderful parents - just like anywhere. They want their children to get an education and be something they could not achieve. they are just so poor. There are more wonderful parents than those who are not to wonderful.

I was on the radio and tv station yesterday morning at 7 a.m. and finished my day at 5 pm. I am so tired at the end of the day but a good tired. Mr. Cruz is trying to develop a boys soccer team and I think we need a girl's team too. We have a possible coach. I want to start a league so they can play games and he wants to have the winner go to the mainland to play...we are starting a PTA...which is preliminary to beginning parenting classes. If I see one more kid hit in the head...I do not know what...but I am trying not to explode. so these are my days...I have tons of documentation to do tomorrow - thank goodness it is Saturday. There is church for our school at the high school Sunday and then a benefit concert for the school at Rendevous on Sunday.

I need kids tennis shoes and socks. I need little trinkets that I can give them if they are good. I need copy paper. I need another social worker on this island. Oh yeah...It was announced on the radio that my counseling services is available to families from other schools. So, if you are reading this and coming to San Pedro...bring stuff and help if you can.

I learned that cococut oil will heal a sore. I can get it at my local vegetable stand. I love that place. I learned how to put more minutes on my phone today. I learned that I have a lot to learn about how to help these kids...I will keep trying and praying. I need your prayers.

I need it to stop raining. The roads are a mess. I am always wet and muddy. the wet sand just sticks to everything. the potholes keep getting worse and worse. It has rained all week. Tonight it feels cold. I know boohoo from those of you who are freezing. But the rain keeps people from making money here.

I am invited to a birthday party at Bayside over by the boat docks. whose birthday? I do not know. Of course I am going. New friends. I am going with Ernesto - signing off until tomorrow. Love you all and miss you so much!

Ernesto

2009-01-13T15:38:00.000-08:00

Peace and Contentment

2009-01-13T14:07:00.000-08:00

Contentment...peace. I am almost there. I am sick as a dog but still content and at peace - I did not go to school today because I could not get two feet away from a bathroom. Woke up sick about midnight. One thing about it though, I am thoroughly cleansed and my ankle is no longer swollen. No fluids left in me. I went to the store awhile ago and got some soupa de pollo that I made from a packet. I had to figure out the directions in Spanish. I am on a mission to not eat anything with preservatives and trying very hard to not eat anything canned or packaged from US. Thought that could have caused the thorough cleansing but Susan had this before me. We were trying to figure out what caused it. One person said it might be that our salbutes were fried in pork lard. I have not touched pork since I have been here that I knew of...We know we had the same thing as we compared the horrifc smell - I'll not go there with you...Susan and I are much closer than we ever were!

I had a full day at Holy Cross yesterday. I am so busy when I am there and I had one particluar little girl that I was concerned about because she is so unhappy. I went to check on her and the second she saw me in the door of her classroom she began to cry - but she was tryng hard not to cry and the tears just flowed down her cheeks. I took her to my office and she would not sit down or come near me. I just sat there and let her cry. I held my hands out to her and after many minutes she began to inch toward me - little by little until she just fell into my arms. Her mom left for the U.S. in September but only after taking this child, her sister and a little brother to Honduras. The child's father retrieved the children and brought them back to San Pedro. Mom finally called over Christmas so the child knows she is alive but...said she was going to come back in March and take them back to Honduras. She told me she hates Honduras as she cannot speak spanish. I can't get any more from the child. It is going to take a long time for her to trust me. I just have that gut feeling - that - even though what I know is enough to upset her - there is more. she is smart but almost non communicative at times and just silently defiant about doing her work. She ran away from school in the past and says she hates school.

I spent a few hours talking with a my new friend, Ernesto, last night. Ok - I met this really great guy! There I said it. I met him during Kareoke night at Wet Willy's. Yep - I am becoming a Kareoke junky at this point. Susan and I sang Jambalya last sunday...what I love is that many of the folks here love the old country songs. They convinced me that it was "Try oke" and it does not matter if you sing bad as long as it is from the heart - just try. Back to Ernesto...he is very sweet to me and very attentive. He and I talk about everything and he loves to sing old country songs and then will sing something in various other languages...He is super polite and respectful and won susan's heart when he actually ate her spinach lasagne! Ok - I will stop. I am happy already but am very happy when he is with me.

At home - I am always concerned about what I need to do next. If I am sitting and doing nothing, I am wasting time. I plan and think all the time. My mind is never at rest. I forget things and get frustrated when I can't do it all. I try to keep my mind like it is in Belize but something takes it back over when I go home. Here - contentment and peace. I can be still and quiet and feel the air. I can watch the ocean or one palm blowing around. People talk about things that matter here - what is in their heart and what they love. I do not have to have a plan. Today - I was sick - so I will take today and rest. it is ok - no worries.

I walked to the grocery store and wanted to find some local soup. I found it and started to buy 2 packages. I thought why? I only need one now. why would I think I need two? i buy eveyrthing right before I need it and just what I need...except coffee and orange juice...boy this oj is good and is comes in a gallon jug...but you almost need that because it is so good. I have a vegetable stand, grocery store and hardware store on the road behind the house and the ocean on the other side...music at Wet Willy's and lovely friends. I have work that fulfills me and makes me feel needed. Peace and contentment. the only way it could be better would be to have my friends and family from the US here....love y'all!

Saturday!

2009-01-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

I actually cooked this morning. I made breakfast burritos with fresh eggs and fresh tortillas. I have learned to ask for orange juice at the vegetable and fruit stand behind my home and the guy disappears and then comes back with fresh squeezed orange juice. Yesterday, I asked for a pineapple and he said "those not for you - I get you a better one". I guess they like me. I am so happy. We are going to get a golf cart and explore the island today.

Susan cooked with the girls last night. They made the best pineapple chicken, coconut rice (B. showed us how to buy the powdered coconut milk that is cheaper to put in the rice and how to wash the rice correctly to get all the dirt off - she also showed us how to wipe the chicken down with lime to get rid of the rancid - or yeah and she asked me if I wanted to cook the feet that were on our chicken that we bought!) I said said no. We also had bread pudding. I thought we had all kinds of food left (especially the pudding...I came in and susan had packed it all up to send with the kids). No midnight snack for me. Guess that is good - my clothes are getting a little loose.

I do miss you all and wish you were here. Love, Kim

A day to catch up!

2009-01-09T09:14:00.000-08:00

Susan and I have a day off as the teachers had an all day workshop and the children were not having school. I needed this day. I am catching up on email and my documentation. I am also going to be able to unpack finally. Beatrice and Brittany are visiting me right now. They are watching the discovery channel on tv while I work. I am processing what has happened this week so far and can't quite get a grasp on it yet. The needs are so great and varied. I just answered an email from a medical team that is coming in February about what they might need to do when they are here. I wrote about the need for medicals, vision tests, hearing tests, and added in - can we check for worms? Some of the children are so small for their age. Sometimes I am wondering if the reading problems come from vision and hearing problems. They want to go into the community to do home visits with mom's with infants - so Beatrice is going to help me find the babies in San Mateo. She told me some are in the way back and warned me that I might break the planks. I told her I was working on the weight! Such honesty!

I need to work with the parents on positive discipline methods and communciation with their children without cussing and threatening. The children get "lashings" and I have seen them hit in the head by their parents. The parents care and want their children to do good in school and behave. They love their children so I think I can help some with maybe introducing another way. The school already is maverick (did I really use that word?) :o) in not allowing physical discipline of the children at the school by the teachers.

There is a social work caseload of nine open cases after the first week, let alone the smaller incidents that I can't even keep track of. I am also the nurse so I have cleaned a lot of cuts! See susan's blog for her medical mission! There is also a need to work with the 11+ children about sex education, HIV prevention, and setting goals for themselves that do not involve babies at an early age - sounds like Mississippi...

I am doing good on my eating habits. Trying not eat fried foods, beef, or pork. I have laid off the rum - actually only had one rum drink in a week. Eating oatmeal in the morning - not eggs! Eating rice and beans and the only fat is in the beans or the tortillas. I eat what is served at lunch at school but Rosalie is such a great cook you cannot resist her banana bread or flan. That is the only sweet stuff I eat. Walking every day to the school and back has got to help. So signing off - miss you all. Kim

a visit to the doctor and more

2009-01-07T16:58:00.000-08:00

Last night I had more problems with the sand flea bites. This morning I was sick with taking too much benedryl and still in pain and the bites were huge welps. So i went to the doctor. He said i was very allergic to them and that the bug spray would not do well to keep them off me. He also said that the place between the school and the road was bad as it is sand and salt. I have to not walk across there from about 4 -6 pm. That is when they are at their worst. I got a cortisone shot and pills (great - me on steriods - i warned susan.). I also got presription cream that I can't put on and go into the sun. Now that is problematic around here. So I am waiting for bedtime to put it on. I feel a little better but they still hurt and itch. I counted the bites on one leg and got to a hundred and quit counting. The good news is that I might after this develop anitbodies and be immune - might. Not taking any chances on that. The doctor was great and all the above was $45. Can't beat that.

So - I have a phone! my number to call me is 001-501-665-0718. You can call me and it won't cost me any minutes. I also have text messages that you can use. They cost me but not much.
If I call it costs me 70 cents a minute during the day and 55 cents a minute a night. Much better than $2.29 a minute!

I went to the school. Much activity. We now have a caseload of six new children and families. It will probably double by tomorrow. They have figured out that we are here. I love the work though. When I was walking home I thought of pinnochio saying..am I a real boy? I was thinking - am I a real social worker? I sure felt like one today. I know susan did too! One mom asked me what she owed me for talking with her about her daughter. I said nothing and she just relaxed and breathed a sigh of relief. I asked her "did I help you?" and she said "oh yes, I feel much better." Of course, the counseling session was in Spanish - I had an interpreter but I am getting better about at least hearing the Spanish.

I am going to sign off and relax...it was very hot today and not much breeze. Guess you might not want to hear that. Not complaining! Love you all!

Pictures on my temporary home

2009-01-06T17:32:00.001-08:00

The view outside the balcony of our first condo.

typing errors

2009-01-06T17:24:00.000-08:00

I am sorry I have typing errors - for everyone criticizes me on my spelling - it is not that I do not know to spell. I just have a lap top and hit the wrong keys all the time!

Two days of work and still standing...sort of...

2009-01-06T16:42:00.000-08:00

We have worked two days at Holy Cross Anglican School. So many great things have happened already. It seems as though every day brings something new and exciting. I am trying to just adjust to being the nurse and the social worker and pr person. The main activity right now is to try to set up a system of keeping up with the children and families with whom I work. Of course there is no system. I was thinking about how my work in child welfare system has prepared me for this work.

I talked with Ms. Laura and Ms. Grace today about how we are having to turn children away - 26 since yeserday. The Belizian govenrment has righfully said we can't take anymore children as we are filled ot capacity. The public school is at capacity (or over) also. This means the 26 children will not be able to go to school. These families cannot afford the private schools so they won't be in school. The parents are so dissapointed when they can't enroll them. It breaks my heart.

I am out of hand sanitizer and vitamins. The children are given chewable child vitamins each day. Many of them only get what they eat at school and the vitamins. I hope a group coming in Friday is bringing me some of both. There are 512 children at this school. We need a lot of hand sanitizer!

Susan and I went to church on sunday at the Living Word church. It is behind airstrip so we took a taxi. We had a great experience. The people were very welcoming and it was a mix of locals and tourists. Sagrai invited us to come and Sabrina and the girls were there. Sabrina and I had time to talk as our taxi did not show back up. It was a two hour service - I am not a Taylor Methodist...(we have an hour limit!) as it goes from 10:45 until about 1:00 p.m. So I had to choose church or BC's BBQ...so no nachos for me!

We went ot Crazy Canuke's last night to hear the Punta Boys and yes, we danced punta - or tried to. We couldn't have been any more silly looking than anyone else. Dennis Wolfe is at Wet Willy's tonight so after we eat Susan's spinach lasagna we are going to go listen for awhile. We have eaten great food at My Secret Deli (stewed chicken, beens, rice, tortilla's, soft cheese); The Reef (Blackened snapper, rice and beans, salad, Lilly's (fish fingers, potatoe salad, coleslaw and fish ceviche) and Wet Willy's grouper sandwich. Making you jealous yet? I guarrantee that we are walking enough to wear it off!

I managed to be attacked by sand flies yesterday. I had bug spray on...who knows...I am hurting and itching and it I have written anything crazy - I am on benedryl and advil to try to survive for the next few days. For all you gringos...these are worse than chiggers - they are officially called "noseeums" I woke up at 2:00 a.m. dreaming that I couldn't find any Benedryl. The only thing that makes them feel better is to stand in the pool. Can't do that constantly so...I am in pain. If you scrath them it makes it worse.

I am going to try to download pictures again. I get frustrated witht he slow internet and give up as downloading them takes forever.

I love and miss everyone in my life! I am where I am sppose to be.

We have arrived!

2009-01-03T19:09:00.000-08:00

Susan and I are settled in and susan is totally in love with Belize. I think she likes the laid back atmosphere. I began seeing old friends from the moment we landed in Belize City. One man on the Maya Island plane to the island said he was wondering if I was the mayor or something. Actually some of the people were folks I had just met. Vincent was there though and he said to tell everyone hi! I have seen Biggs, Tevin, Johnson, Butch, Sagrai, Jean Paul, Eden, Patojo, Maurie, and the waiters at The Reef. I tried to see Sabrina but she was sleeping. Martin and Clarise are living together. Butch is changing jobs again. Sagrai is back at the Tides. Biggs is running these little boats that you can drive yourself (like in CANCUN) to the rivers on the north and south end of the island for nature tours. He is on the dock out from Fidos. Everyone here has asked about everyone at home. I watched to Cotton bowl at Wet Willy's as it was the closest place to get to and I missed the beginning - but the end was fantastic! The food at the Reef is as good as ever as are the grouper sandwiches at Wet Willy's. I have walked around town and Susan and I are now sore from walking. We are going to church at Sagrai's church - The Living Word - in the morning. Please note - I am home and on the computer at 9:00 p.m. on a Saturday night! I love and miss you all.